(Minghui.org) Greetings, great, compassionate Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I began Falun Dafa cultivation practice in July 1995. I had just graduated from elementary school that year, so I was basically following in the footsteps of my parents.
Almost 20 years later, under Master’s care and protection, I’ve grown into a mature adult practitioner.
Whenever I stumbled, Master was there to pick me up. When I was diligent, Master was there to give me encouragement. When I became numb, Master was there to awaken me. When I improved, Master was there to further enlighten me.
I would like to write about parts of my cultivation practice to provide Master with a summary report and to share with fellow practitioners.
My Student Days Are Still Fresh in My Memory
I had just returned home from my summer vacation on July 20, 1999, when the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), under the leadership of Jiang Zemin, began to persecute Falun Dafa.
I went with my parents and several practitioners by train to Beijing that day, to defend Falun Dafa. The train went only as far as Shijiazhuang and could go no further, by order of the government.
We consequently spent 800 yuan to get a rental car, but the freeways were also blocked. After multiple twists and turns, we arrived at Daxing County. The driver dropped us at the roadside and refused to go further.
We rested on some concrete blocks next to a pond. All night, we were attacked by mosquitoes and could hear constant sounds of sirens, but I wasn’t bothered, and didn’t feel afraid.
We validated Falun Dafa in Tiananmen Square on July 23. We were hit and kicked by several police officers, and thrown into a large bus, and taken to Fengtai Stadium. On the way, we recited in a loud voice Master’s verse "Nonexistence” from Hong Yin:
“Live with no pursuit,Die not caring about staying;Clear out all wild thoughts,Cultivating to a Buddha is not hard.”
The stadium was packed with Dafa disciples who were in Beijing to defend Dafa. That day was very hot. We were exposed to the scorching sun with no water and no food, but we did not feel hot or hungry. We were later sent back to our local districts.
After we were returned home, the police raided our house and took away my parents.
When I returned to school, my homeroom teacher stared at me ferociously and demanded, “Are you still going to practice?”
I felt a lot of pressure from my homeroom teacher’s stare and tone of voice, but I did not flinch. I was filled with glorious pride with the thought that I had just gone to Beijing to defend Dafa, so there was nothing for me to fear.
I suddenly felt as if I had become a different person.
I looked steadily at my homeroom teacher’s eyes for a moment, then answered firmly and resoundingly, “Yes!”
The teacher appeared momentarily stunned, then hesitated, turned, and walked off without saying another word.
At that time, my school was subdividing the arts and science classes, and I had been assigned to the homeroom teacher’s more advanced class. After I returned from Beijing, I was reassigned to a new, more hotchpotch class being taught by a new teacher. Under Master's protection, no one has harassed me since.
I left home to go to college in October 2001. On October 23, 2002, I failed to connect with my parents, and my home phone was not answered. I reached out to my aunt and uncle, but they would not tell me anything, except to say everything was okay.
I knew something was wrong, but I was far from home. I became anxious, worrying about them, feeling psychological pressure, but could do nothing.
Master said:
“When your friends or family suffer, are you moved? How do you weigh them? This is how difficult it is to be a practitioner!” (Lecture Eight in Zhuan Falun)
I thought, “My parents are Master’s genuine disciples, the best people I know. No matter what they do, they will only do what is righteous. I will put everything into Master’s hands. I will trust Master and Dafa to the best of my ability.”
I later learned that the National Security Division had my parents arrested from their work units and taken to the police department. My father was released after a month, but my mother was sent to a detention center, where she was sentenced to a three-year term.
In a little over a month, my mother succeeded in breaking out from the detention center with Master's protection and her righteous thoughts, but to avoid being arrested again, she had to leave home and became displaced.
Those were difficult days, but as genuine Dafa disciples, we still felt very blessed.
My parents received good salaries and benefits from their work units, so we had lived a rather comfortable life, and never needed to worry about money.
My college expenses were high, and although my parents had set aside sufficient funds for my higher education, I felt I should live frugally now that my father had become the sole breadwinner and needed to spend money so mother could live relatively safely in a rental property away from home.
I told myself I had to grow up fast and be responsible. I saved, scrimped, and kept my expenses low. I was not in a position to make money and contribute, but that was the least I could do.
During school holidays when I could go home, I did the exercises and studied the Fa with my parents. We encouraged each other to be steadfast in our cultivation practice.
I knew it wasn’t easy for my parents. I told them, “I'm so very proud of you!”
Elevating Myself by Cultivating Xinxing at Work
More than a year after graduating from college, I returned home to enter the working world. On the job, I had many encounters that helped me improve my xinxing.
One of my colleagues had started working at our work unit two years earlier. The unit leadership assigned him tasks and he passed them on to me, and when I was done, he passed them back to the leadership, effectively stealing my accomplishments.
When the leadership approved the work, he took all the kudos. When the leadership was dissatisfied, the blame went to me.
I was oblivious to what was going on until a time when our unit was assigned to work on a background display for a large-scale social activity.
As usual, when my colleague received the assignment, he passed it on to me. As usual, I worked on it with due diligence, came up with the design, passed it back to him, and he contacted an inkjet advertising company to finish the work.
My design received high praise from the leadership and the higher-up authorities. All thought that the display was very festive and upbeat. Even the guest local government officials felt it was excellent.
Everyone believed it was my colleague’s fine work, and he unabashedly accepted all the acclaim.
Later, my other colleagues could no longer stand what he was doing, and told me in private what had been taking place.
I felt very sad, but immediately remembered, “I am a Dafa cultivator and shouldn’t think and act like an everyday person. What he does is wrong, but I don’t have the right to stand in judgment. I must adhere to Dafa’s principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, and let this matter pass.”
Master said,
“But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate a person psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or her improve.” (Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun)
At the celebration party after the successful social activity, several leaders stopped by our unit’s table, patted my colleague’s shoulder, and said, “Your background design is truly well done. Our superiors have given it special recognition.”
My colleague responded humbly, “Thank you all for your undeserved praise.”
He gave not the slightest credit to my hard work or even a small hint of my involvement. That really irritated me to my core. I immediately felt my heart burning with anger and resentment.
It wasn’t the time or place for an outburst, so I just kept a smile on my face, but it took a tremendous effort to hold my tongue.
I said to myself in bitterness and made a silent resolve, “How you carry on behind my back is unforgivable. What nerve you have to flaunt in front of my face! From now on, I will refuse any assignment you pass on to me...”
When I got home, I finally calmed down. I thought of Master's words:
“Everyone knows that our school of practice does not shun ordinary human society in cultivation practice, and neither does it avoid or run away from conflicts. In this complex environment of everyday people, you should be clear-minded and knowingly lose in terms of interests. When your self-interest is taken by others, you will not go to compete and fight for it like others. With different xinxing interference, you will suffer losses. In this difficult environment, you will temper your will and upgrade your xinxing. Under the influence of different ill thoughts from everyday people, you will be able to reach above and beyond.” (Lecture Eight in Zhuan Falun)
I pondered sincerely, “Aren’t those words spoken just for me? Shouldn’t I have elevated myself to a higher level? Why am I so concerned about ordinary people’s name and fame? Moreover, I have not done well in terms of forbearance when remaining silent. It was merely out of human concerns, and not because I actually succeeded to let it go.”
I slowly began watching my every thought and action at work, to make sure I followed Dafa’s requirements. I conscientiously removed from my heart all notions of name and fame, along with the feelings of injustice and jealousy, so that I no longer had any resentment toward my colleague.
I finally overcame this hurdle and passed this xinxing test.
Half the Households in Our Apartment Complex Entered Into Dafa
My parents and I formed a small unit and set up a family materials production site. We purchased several machines. We produced and stocked up on Shen Yun DVDs, the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party booklets and CD-ROMs, and all kinds of Dafa informational flyers, brochures, stickers, and so on.
When we didn’t know how to do what was needed, we learned how to do it.
We shared these materials every week with fellow practitioners who were not in a position to produce the materials themselves.
Neighbors all around our apartment complex were well aware that our family practiced Falun Dafa. But since almost all of them had been deceived by the CCP’s lies and propaganda, it was up to us to let them know the truth.
My parents continued tirelessly to talk to them about the facts of Falun Dafa and the truth behind the persecution. When I happened to be there, I either joined them to validate Dafa or stood apart and sent forth righteous thoughts.
One time, an upstairs neighbor had some problems with her computer and sought my help. I asked my mother to come along with me to her apartment.
While I was working on her machine, my mother began to clarify the truth to her, telling her how our whole family had benefited physically and mentally from practicing Falun Dafa, how the CCP had slandered Falun Dafa to justify its persecution, along with how the Tiananmen Square and other incidents were all fabricated, and so on.
During that time, the neighbor’s computer kept having problems. We knew this was Master’s compassionate arrangement. I went to her house several times to fix her machine, and my mother went with me every time, to talk, explain, and answer questions. Eventually this neighbor entered into Dafa cultivation practice.
One after another, many of our neighbors in our apartment complex came to understand the beauty of Falun Dafa, and accepted the truth. They gladly renounced the CCP and withdrew from its affiliated organizations.
Four families entered into Falun Dafa cultivation practice. There were practitioners in at least half the households who had become instrumental in leading their family members, relatives, and friends to understand and accept the facts.
My mother and I later taught the new practitioners how to use voicemail to clarify the truth so that they could also gradually join forces to start saving their own sentient beings.
One night, while sending forth righteous thoughts, a beautiful universe was displayed in front of me. In an instant, the universe became a Falun emitting golden rays. Then, the revolving Falun turned into a blue universe. Soon, the universe changed to a Falun…
That cycle happened four times. At the same time, a voice sounded in my brain, “Each Falun is a universe.”
Master said:
“This Falun emblem is the miniature of the universe. It also has its own form of existence and process of evolution in all other dimensions, so I call it a world.” (Lecture Five in Zhuan Falun)
I knew that Master had shown me the scene to encourage me.
Overcoming the Hurdles of a Bad Marriage to Walk the Path of Gods
In time, my marital status became an increasing concern among relatives, friends, colleagues, and even the leadership in my work unit. Many tried to be matchmakers.
My parents gradually began to think in this regard, and I also began to slowly breed a longing for the perceived good life of having a life partner and companion.
I didn’t want an ordinary person for a mate, but hoped to match up with a fellow practitioner, so we could help each other grow within the Fa.
I was soon introduced to a practitioner whose father had just passed away from illness six months prior, and his mother had suddenly been arrested. Other practitioners and my family joined in her rescue efforts, but she was nonetheless sentenced to forced labor for a year and three months.
Slowly, in his days of difficulty and anxiety, when we ended up spending quite a bit of time together, out of sympathy from my part and need from his, our feelings towards each other grew.
We finally obtained his mother’s consent and applied for a marriage license, with the intention to hold off on the wedding ceremony until his mother was released.
I never expected that when his mother returned home, she would keep finding fault with me and being hostile. She even slapped her son across his mouth on our wedding night in front of all my relatives.
Although I was upset, I didn’t enter into any dispute with her. I tried to look inward to figure out what was causing her behavior. I tried to find in my heart if I had truly looked at things from her angle, to understand her point of view.
I thought that since we were both practitioners, perhaps we should spend more time together studying the Fa, so I invited her to participate in our Fa study group, but she showed up once and refused to go again.
I tried my best to be good to her, to shower her with kindness and consideration, but she ended up being worse, and her hostility seemed to intensify.
I began to discern her abnormal dependence on her son’s emotional support. The evil factors behind her were taking full control of her. I knew I should rectify her improper mindset, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get through to her.
I was also sorely tested by my own multiple human attachments. Her son, my husband, wouldn’t do anything except to request that I concede, and concede some more. But when I took a step back, she took a step forward. I just couldn’t find a way out.
I went from doing my best to appease her, to making sure my heart remained unaffected, to slowly building resentment, to finally ending up losing patience and holding grudges.
Seven months into my marriage I felt pushed to the brink. My mother said I was like a different person with a terrible temper and instantaneous irritability.
I was still so young, but white hair was beginning to show along my temples. When I was no longer aable to handle my tribulations, my heart became very heavy and pained. I was filled with bitter grievances and hopeless resentment.
With his mother’s constant provocations, I simply could no longer study the Fa or do the exercises. My relationship with my husband became precarious, and even my parents became deeply affected
I kept thinking: Why?
From an ordinary person’s point of view, her finding fault with me was merely a surface manifestation. In actuality, her emotional dependence was causing her to want her son not to get married, hoping that her son would always stay with her and care for her. In her eyes, I had robbed her of her son’s devotion and affection.
From a practitioner’s point of view, she must have emerged from the labor camp with bad things behind her. The bad things were not only interfering with her cultivation, but were also trying to drag her son down with her, through her warped attachment of sentimentality toward him. At the same time they were trying to drag me down through my attachment of sentimentality toward her son, and even trying to drag my parents down through their attachment of sentimentality toward me.
The evil forces were taking full advantage of each of our attachments to different types of sentimentality to destroy us, beginning with our sense of intimacy and affection toward fellow practitioners.
I knew I should let go of my attachments to lust, hate, and resentment, but I hadn’t tried hard enough to break away. I told myself that if I could let go of those attachments, no matter how gut wrenching my efforts might be, I would be shedding my human nature and replacing my humanness with something divine. I reminded myself that this must be done if I were to choose to walk the path of gods.
So I studied the Fa more, and with more diligence. I placed my complete trust in Dafa, knowing that only Dafa had the power to change everything.
Slowly, little by little, despite occasional lapses, I realized that things were getting better. I gradually found that I no longer nurtured resentment toward my mother-in-law or my husband. I instead began to feel compassion toward them, and truly wished them well.
When I finally let go of my attachment to sentimentality, I felt that a big burden had dropped off my shoulders. I felt reborn. I felt relaxed.
Master enlightened me in a dream, where I was under siege in a castle. The place had no lack of fun and entertainment. I was looking for a door, but couldn’t find one. I then went up to the roof. There was a mountain of snakes. I told myself to be careful and not to step on any.
Suddenly, a snake lunged towards me. I ducked out of its path. Then another came at me. I escaped just in time. I then saw a road up ahead. Right at that moment, from behind me grew a small pair of angel wings. I grabbed a vine, and with the help of the wings, glided safely down onto the road.
I thus finally broke out from the siege of my own marriage after I fully realized that when I couldn’t let go, or when I was feeling so much pain, that it was not my true self. Those were just attachments that should be removed from my being.
Master told us:
“Although cultivation matters are discussedAttachments of the heart must be discardedWhat is given up is not one’s selfIt’s all foolishness in the maze”(“Discarding Attachments” in Hong Yin Vol. II)
Watching Shen Yun to Understand True Compassion
This year, my parents and I flew to Taiwan to watch Shen Yun's performance on stage. I experienced first hand the strong energy all around. I watched with tears streaming down my cheeks. The entire audience was especially stunned by the pure compassion and goodness of Dafa disciples. The scene melted everyone’s hearts.
I asked myself, “Am I capable to being truly compassionate, with absolutely no trace of myself, thinking totally of others?”
I’m usually kind to other people, but my compassion has not yet reached a pure state. There is always a hint of need for my kindness to be requited. I’m good and kind to others, but also want others to be good and kind to me.
So, my heart was not fully considerate of others. That little consideration of self was the impurity. Since I had not completely gotten rid of the self, there was selfishness, and compassion in its purest state could not be attained.
Once I realized that, I stayed alert at all times to cultivate myself, to rid myself of my self. Whatever was said by others, I countered with a light heart and a smile.
I could truly feel that many of my bad things were eliminated, and my xinxing made a big step forward.
Over the years, Master has continued to bestow His immeasurable compassion on me, and taken care of me. When I slipped and failed to let go of my human notions, and when I became slack and not diligent enough, Master was always there to remind me to do better.
I really feel that Master cherishes me more than I cherish myself. I will listen to Master to do well the three things, so I can consummate and go home with Master.
Please kindly point out to me anything inappropriate, thank you.
