(Clearwisdom.net) It's been 11 years since I obtained the Fa, but I have not been diligent enough. So many attachments remain, and sometimes they have been so strong that I have been overwhelmed by them. The only solution we have to problems is to study the Fa--study the Fa more and cultivate ourselves well, identifying our shortcomings. Here I'll relate some of the things I have seen at my level.
Recently I've been trying hard to get rid of some attachments and notions, and one day I clearheadedly passed a test in my dream. The following the day, while I was sending forth righteous thoughts, Master let me see a spectacular scene: I found myself sitting on top of tens of thousands of lotuses, one platform consisting of four or five layers of lotuses, dazzling white lights shooting up from the lotuses, and the cosmoses beneath all lit up. One thousand arms extended from my back, each emitting a thick column of light, reaching as far as the eyes could go, killing demons in the cosmos as they shot in every direction. Upon closer look I saw that on each arm stood a cherub, wearing his hair like a teapot lid, a piece of red cloth covering the front of his shining body. And then I found that cherubs were all over my body, and a column of light on top of my head was reaching up to infinity, eliminating demons. There were two cherubs lying on the top of my head, with one putting his one leg on top of the other. They were having fun together. In an instant, the cherubs changed from male to female, all very beautiful, with colorful clothes and short braided hair. At my sides stood two six or seven-year-old fairies, their arms extending outward, their beautiful clothes fanning out, as if they were peacocks displaying their colorful tail-feathers. Both their clothes and bodies emitted strong light, helping me wipe out demons. Everything was just like breathtaking scenery set against the vast firmament. There and then, I asked myself, "Aren't all Dafa disciples who are sending forth righteous thoughts using such wonderful scenery, or even more wonderful scenery, to decorate their numerous cosmoses?" I believe the answer is yes.
I felt I'd had a hard time over the past few years, and from time to time thoughts like "How can I live better" and other attachments would cross my mind. One day, someone asked me in my dream, "How does one develop the heart that one would stay a prosperous lotus in a clean pond and keep purity in a dirty one?" This is what I think: We are so rich that we own the cosmos; we are so rich that we have everything Master has given us; and we are so rich that we have sentient beings. In the context of the cosmos, how much are wealth and fame in the human world worth? And what do destitution and low social status in the human world account for? When the attachment to them is gone, there's only emptiness in the human world. Moreover, we are so gracious that we have compassion, and we are saving sentient beings from the dirty pond.
Everything has its root, and that applies to ordinary people, too. For instance, some people lose their temper easily. I saw that in other dimensions, there exists a being that loses it's temper easily. When some people lose their temper, their eyes turn red. The fact is that they are controlled by that being in other dimensions, whose eyes are also red. Some people are stubborn, and there is a being in other dimensions called "stubborn." People are controlled by it when they are being stubborn. Everyone has his or her ideal, and ideal is also a being. Once I heard it proudly say, "I know everyone's ideals." It's probably because everyone is working hard for their ideals. Today, people like to wear strange hair styles. It's all because they are affected by warped beings. There is a being that makes people like wearing their hair loose. Once I saw several attractive, well-dressed fairies, flying about in the sky, like monsters. I knew that they were bad divine beings, and they were all wearing hair styles fashionable among modern people. So the hair styles popular in the past few years are a result of their control. (I found that many fellow practitioners also wear those styles.) There is another being that makes people want to hang out at night. A group of beings leads today's people to be fond of extramarital affairs, so, many married people are controlled by them and may have an affair when they meet attractive members of the opposite sex. Beings such as these that undermine human morality are being cleaned out in large quantities. Today's human beings are really pathetic. They are constantly manipulated by their notions and foreign elements.
What I am going to share next is one of the roots of my own attachments and notions. Master let me see several of my past lives and the intertwining of karmic debts. During the Tang Dynasty, I incarnated as a concubine who was adored by the emperor and gave birth to a princess. The empress was so jealous that she strangled the princess. The concubine was heartbroken. The emperor deposed the empress and named the concubine as empress. Both civil and military ministers were vehemently against the move, alleging that the concubine killed her own child in order to replace the empress. That was a belief held by everyone except the emperor. Because of the crime she could not be cleared of, she felt heavily depressed even though she ascended to the chair of empress, and she had never been able to get rid of the recurring pain in her chest for the rest of her life. Consequently, resentment and hatred, deeply buried in her heart, never left her, and became one of her traits. Hateful, she didn't want anyone that she regarded as mean to live. The trait that developed in that life had played a negative role in many of my later lives, and the strong feelings of resentment and hatred, if anything, only intensified all the way up to this life.
Especially today, there is nothing that's accidental, with all karmic relationships of various life times playing out in full. Our aim is to cultivate ourselves and save sentient beings, but we tend to be swayed by notions when we are not clearheaded, and for me, that happens quite often. Once as I was studying the Fa, suddenly Master removed the resentment and hatred buried deep in my heart for hundreds of years.
The notions we developed later will have to be removed too. In "Teaching the Fa in Canada, 2006," Master said,
"So while Dafa is being disseminated and during the course of Dafa disciples' cultivation, when it comes to whether people can obtain the Fa and whether they can cultivate to the end, the amount of karma they accrued in history definitely causes varying degrees of challenges for them as human beings or as cultivators. Put frankly, when it comes to the questions of whether someone can obtain the Fa and whether someone can cultivate all the way, there will be different forms of interference for different people. Those troubles all stem from the person's own past actions, so no one should complain. Who can obtain the Fa? Who can break out of the shell? And who can truly, rationally see this Fa for what it is? Viewed in this light, things are indeed fair for sentient beings."
It's possible that many people will feel unfair when they encounter tribulations, and will not be unable to treat them correctly from the perspective of the Fa. I, for one, am often like that. Master said in Zhuan Falun,
"Nobody should blame others for it, though, since everybody has added fuel to the fire. That's why everybody has hardships in cultivation."
The bond between my husband and me goes deep: Three lifetimes in a row we pledged to one another that we would be best friends in our next life. But in one of the lifetimes that comes around about every one thousand years, I hurt him deeply. Master enabled me to see that life. Discontent and regret rose in my heart. Why was I not punished then and there? If I had been made to pay back what I owed, the karmic debt would not have been kept hidden when I died and it would not have to be paid back in this life. At the time I had a profound feeling that hidden debts meant untold suffering in future incarnations. That was a gigantic shame in my life, and it seemed to have delayed what I should have done in human history.
In light of these things I saw, it's not hard to understand certain troubles and hardships in my current life. Master said,
"A wicked person is born of jealousy. Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself. A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion. With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy. An enlightened person has no attachments at all. He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions."
I memorized this passage with my heart, and each time I recite it I have a new understanding. I try to feel the state of mind of a benevolent person, and occasionally I seem to learn a little about the realm of an enlightened person.
The things that I have talked about were the results of years of awakening and gradual understanding, yet they are all very low level. Let us cultivate well under the guidance of our esteemed Master! Let us do well as a whole body, thoroughly dissolve the evil, assist Master in Fa-rectification, and save sentient beings!
