Look Within To See the Light at the End of the Tunnel

(Minghui.org) I experienced many tribulations, big and small, during years I’ve cultivated. With the help of Master, the founder of Falun Dafa, and by studying the Fa, searching within myself, and eliminating my attachments, I was able to improve my moral character while getting through various tribulations. The following are the two incidents that truly touched me.

Strong Jealousy and Resentment

I showed my 7-year-old grandson how to do simple tasks, so after I prepared lunch one day I told him to scoop the cooked rice into his bowl and showed him how so he wouldn’t burn himself. He didn’t do it quite right the first time, so I showed him again. My daughter suddenly shouted, “Stop making him do it; I’ll do it!”

I was taken aback. While I ate quietly with my grandson, my daughter sat in the living room. Many thoughts swirled through my mind: “I cook, do chores, and babysit for you, and that attitude is no way to show your gratitude. But because I’m a practitioner, I won’t make a big deal out of it.” I asked if she was going to eat lunch. She said “no” in a hostile tone, stood up, and went to her room.

Thinking about all the things I did for her and how she was often disrespectful and argued with me, I snapped. I shouted her name, caught up with her, and yelled, “What did I do wrong? Why do you treat me this way after everything I’ve done for you?” She shouted right back, grabbed something, and started hitting herself with it.

Just as things were spinning out of control, something stopped me from saying more. I calmed down and said, “Okay, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t yell. Let’s eat and not fight.”

However, my mind was churning so much that I had difficulty eating. My daughter’s reactions hurt my feelings, and I forgot that I was a Falun Dafa practitioner. I didn’t look within to find out what I did that caused her to react this way. I yelled at her and I had no forbearance or compassion. I knew that my behavior made Falun Dafa look bad. I apologized to my daughter, admitting that I hadn’t done well as a practitioner.

After studying the Fa for a while, I found some of my hidden attachments, including impatience, jealousy, resentment, fighting, and the notions of wanting something in return, being inconsiderate, unkind, intolerant, and wanting to dominate and hear only good words.

My daughter is a mirror, and her behavior reflects mine. Because Master arranged for her to help me cultivate, I should have thanked her and helped her understand the truth of Falun Dafa so she would have a good future.

Master said, “In cultivation, one should mainly cultivate one’s xinxing.” (Lecture Five, Zhuan Falun) Now that I constantly watch my actions and improve my xinxing, I seldom have intense quarrels with my daughter. Our home is now warm and friendly, and things often go well.

The Root of My Illness

About three years ago, the slightest movement made me feel dizzy and nauseous. I was afraid to move and felt that my life would end because the symptoms were so severe. I reminded myself that it wasn’t really an illness and asked Master to help me get through this tribulation. The symptoms usually ended in a day, but then resurfaced.

I wondered why this happened, and I realized that every time the symptoms appeared, it was when I slacked off in doing the three things. I found that I had attachments to comfort and fear, and I tried to eliminate them. The symptoms went away for a while, but would come back even stronger.

I dug deeper and found a hidden attachment. When I slacked off in cultivation, it was because I couldn’t stop browsing online to read and watch everyday people’s news and videos. Even though I only played with my phone when I had spare time, and only for about 30 minutes each time, it gradually became an addiction. I felt something was missing if I didn’t go online. I knew it wasn’t right, but I couldn’t stop myself.

We know that all kinds of messy and degenerate things are on the Internet now. Master said,“... Dafa, the solution for a troubled world,Puts a stop to its downward slide.” (“Illuminating All,” Hong Yin II),

Yet I gave it views and clicks instead of using my time to assimilate to the Fa. When I did that, I became an everyday person, and that was why I had illness symptoms.

Master frequently pointed out my addiction and helped me improve. Now, I almost never browse the Internet on my phone—instead, I use the time to do the three things. I haven’t had any symptoms since I changed my behavior. I know that Master removed bad substances from me. I must be careful not to fall back into my bad habit.