(Minghui.org) I’d like to tell you about an understanding I had when I went through a difficult xinxing issue, from being praised to being criticized, and finally being accepted after I let go of the attachments of competitiveness and jealousy.

I’ve worked as an elementary school preparation teacher and a physical education teacher for a year now. My efforts were praised by parents, and the children were very happy with the lessons and classes—most importantly, there was improvement in the students’ academic progress.

In the beginning, the school management was very pleased with my work, and they initiated a promotional campaign to attract more students. They made videos of my students and I and posted them on social media. I was elated and felt I could do everything easily and successfully. I even compared my preschool class with other elementary school classes, and told my colleagues: “My students are so bright!” I started watching videos of myself on social media. I admired myself and became complacent. However, as a cultivator, I knew it’s dangerous to be praised as it truly tests one’s character. When I caught myself feeling self-admiration, I uninstalled the app on my smartphone and stopped watching my interview video. I knew I needed to eliminate my attachment to fame and the desire to show off.

Suddenly, the school management stopped praising me and began complaining about things that seemed to be trivial. I felt it hurt my self-esteem and ego. Being a practitioner, I understood that it was my false self that was suffering and tried to protect itself. It was not my true self. Each time I heard management complain about me, I tried to remove my feelings of resentment and being wronged.

Master said,

“When he cannot cure an illness, he drops his head and feels fizzled out. Isn’t it caused by his attachment to fame and personal gain?” (Lecture Two, Zhuan Falun)

Keeping Master’s teaching in my mind, I tried not to give in to the feeling of depression, but to approach the problem rationally.

The complaints were mainly about these aspects: after a physical education class the children were overexcited and could not calm down for the next class; they should not play with balls, as it damages the walls and floor, and they may accidently break the window; children should not run, otherwise they can get injured; they should not jump over sports poles in order to avoid injuries. It's better to work out quietly on a mat.

I complied with these demands with a heavy heart. There were also complaints that I forgot to close the window after the class in the wintertime, and the room was very cold the following morning. I always checked and made sure I closed the window.

There were complaints about why the preschool students didn’t write letters in cursive, instead, they wrote in block print, etc. I complied with all these requirements, but I still had some resentment. This continued for about two months. When the conflict with the management escalated, I finally started to examine myself.

At the same time, I faced another problem: the landlord lied to me and said that the house would be warm in winter, but it was only about 39°F inside, and the electric heater used a lot of energy. It was so cold that the water in the pipes froze, and I often had no water. I asked the landlord to buy another heater, but he was slow to do anything to resolve it.

Around this time, some parents of my students and colleagues kindly nicknamed me Snegurochka (The Snow Maiden) because I told them how cold it was at my home.

The Snow Maiden (Snegurochka) is a famous character in Russian fairy tales. The Snow Maiden is the heroine in a play written by the renowned Russian playwright Ostrovsky. The snow maiden is a gentle, sweet girl created from snow. She loves to help people, but her tragedy is that she has an icy heart that is not only incapable of love but also incapable of having compassion and mercy. In the story, she becomes jealous due to her injured pride.

The mother of one of my students said that I looked like the actress who played the snow maiden. I realized this was a second hint that I should look inward.

When I came to work, the temperature in the room was 73°F. I felt hot and opened the window, but my colleagues wrapped themselves in woolen clothes and accused me of freezing them and not considering their feelings. This was the third hint, that I was aloof and cold.

I finally started to examine myself. The nickname Snegurochka was a clue. I liked this fairy tale, and the snow maiden, a cute, sweet, and meek girl made of snow, as if she were not of this world. The idea of being different and detached from this world always appealed to me, but I felt something was frozen inside me, a kind of aloofness and a lack of consideration for others. I lacked kindness and compassion for other people. I responded to others with the same coldness and detachment when I was offended or refused.

I intensified my Fa study and looked within repeatedly. Digging deeper, below the resentment, I found a layer that was related to competitiveness and jealousy. When I didn’t get what I wanted, I appeared unmoved, but I envied the one who got what I wanted, and I competed with them. On the surface, it was covered with a layer of ice, but under the ice, a storm brewed.

Master said,

“A wicked person is born of jealousy.Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.”(Realms, Essentials For Further Advancement)

I recalled how in the past I felt warmth and love when another kindergarten group cooperated with me, and how well our efforts went. But as soon as the competition began, it felt like everything was covered with a layer of ice, and conflicts arose at work.

I began to eliminate these feelings by not accepting them as my true self. When I meditated, I was able to expand my heart and eliminate resentment toward those with whom I had conflicts. I decided to think about cooperation and competition as two opposite phenomena. The new universe, as I understand it, will be composed of altruistic people who selflessly help each other and cooperate—then doesn’t this requirement especially apply to Falun Dafa practitioners of the Fa-rectification period? In the old universe, all beings are selfish and compete with each other in an effort to get something for themselves.

I realized that my being compared to the snow maiden was a hint from Master that I should eliminate envy and being aloof, and replace these with compassion and warmth. After I had this realization, I felt a surge of warm energy in my heart and throughout my entire body, and I felt I was able to share this with others. When I meditated, it felt like flowers were blossoming in my dimension, and everything was filled with energy and life.

I discovered these attachments before and removed a layer. Now that it reappeared, I knew it was time to remove another layer.

After my inner transformation and new mindset, my environment changed. The management no longer complained and changed their attitude towards me. I'm now more involved and considerate of others. I help others and take on more responsibilities. I no longer divide pupils into mine and others. Instead, I accept everyone equally. I no longer feel resentful when I’m wronged. Instead, feel grateful, because the conflicts at work helped me see my competitiveness and jealousy, so I was able to remove it and improve my xinxing.

Thank you Master, for giving me the chance to improve my cultivation!

Thank you fellow practitioners, for your help and support!