Cultivate Away Selfishness at Home

(Minghui.org) Recalling my cultivation path, I remember that it was sometimes good and sometimes not so good. I hope my experience can provide a lesson for practitioners who face similar situations.

Learning to Cultivate and Letting Go of Family Conflicts

I have been married for 10 years. My wife is not a practitioner, but she has a good understanding of Dafa and supports my practice. She has a straightforward personality, is carefree, and warmhearted, but she has a hot temper. She would lose her temper whenever anything did not go her way, and she would say some unpleasant things that came to her mind.

In the early years of our marriage, her harsh words and actions would often irritate me, I would fight with her, and sometimes I would attack her physically. Sometimes, when I was stressed and didn’t want to talk, she would argue with me on the grounds that my stress affected the atmosphere at home. I would ask her after the argument: “Why did we fight?” She didn’t even remember why, it was really just for the sake of fighting.

I thought of divorcing several times. My relatives and friends tried to stop us at first, but later they supported us getting a divorce. But, I am a Dafa cultivator, and I should not do it causally as an ordinary person. However, it was truly unbearable when coming to think of the matter. Sometimes I was so angry that I would shed tears after the fight ended. I couldn’t believe that a macho man like me could be angered to tears, I was confused.

I often listened to the special topics published on the Minghui website and communicated with other practitioners near me. I gradually learned to be tolerant, but the problem was not completely resolved. We had small fights every three or four days and a big fight every week last year. We were at the point of divorce many times. But, I am a Dafa cultivator, and my wife did not do anything wrong. She understood Dafa well and supported my cultivation. She supported me when I was persecuted. Can I divorce her just because of her hot temper and personality? Am I just like an ordinary person if I get a divorce?

Moreover, even if I get a divorce, wouldn’t I have run away from this test? I failed to cultivate away the attachments that I should have and refused to eliminate the existing karma. Is this true cultivation?

There is a loophole! Any flaw in my xinxing would become an obstacle to my cultivation, and sooner or later I would have to make up for it. Ten years have passed, and I still face the same family tribulation, I have been unable to develop compassion for my wife. I have to break through, and there is no way out. I should be more proactive when making changes. Even if I can’t develop compassion for my wife all of a sudden and reach a state of calm, I should still follow Master’s requirements. I should try to think about my wife’s difficulties in the midst of conflicts, think about her good points, and look inward at my own problems.

Although I tried to be tolerant in the past, there were selfish thoughts behind it, thinking that my wife was giving me a chance to improve. This is also the main reason why I couldn’t pass this issue for so many years.

Recognizing my problem, I took the initiative to communicate with my wife and admitted my faults to her. Even if it was not my fault, I would use the principles and standards of a cultivator to find my shortcomings and sincerely apologize to her.

At the same time, I also kindly reminded her of her shortcomings. Even though she did not cultivate, she would face human-level principles. I tried to find some suitable time to communicate with her after the conflict. Our family has become more and more harmonious, and my wife’s condition is changing for the better.

Master enlightened me by having me discuss the issue with other practitioners at the time, “To have divine thoughts, but not human thoughts.” Although there are still conflicts and frictions in the family, there are very few now. As soon as a conflict emerged, or I found that my tone was slightly wrong, I would immediately seize it and look within right away, and I tried to be non-argumentative and calm. I was no longer moved by my wife’s emotions, I can think more about her situation, and I try to share as much housework as possible. I may not have done well at first, but I was trying. I believe that I will get better and better.

Behind the Indifference Lies the Human Attachment

For a long time, I have been in a state of indifference to anything. I am not very enthusiastic about my wife and the family. I thought I was taking things lightly, but, if I have truly cultivated well, I should have developed compassion, instead of indifference.

I realized that there was something wrong with my xinxing. After further digging into my heart, I found that behind this indifference was my inability to let go of fame, wealth, and sentiment. The tribulations in marriage, the yearning for ordinary people’s happiness, the frustration with career development, and so on, are a kind of self-protection and numbness after human attachments and desires fail to be materialized. If the pursuit of fame and fortune is not let go, how can I develop compassion?

Looking at other practitioners who have cultivated well, I found that they were happy all the time and did the three things effectively. I often had an expressionless and indifferent face, thinking that I had taken fame, wealth, and sentiment lightly, and knew everything well. In fact, I was far from it. Once I realized my problem, I began to get rid of the attachments.

Experience of Letting Go of Selfishness

My wife would sometimes say that I am selfish and only care about myself. At first, I would defend myself by saying that I never bother or trouble others, and that I didn’t ask for anything from anyone. Without affecting or troubling others, what is wrong with my being nice to myself and making myself more comfortable?

But as a cultivator, I know that nothing that happens is accidental. My wife said that I was selfish more than once, so I needed to have a serious look at this. When I really looked inward and determined that I needed to correct myself, I reached a different conclusion.

Master said:

“Desiring a good life may infringe upon others’ interests, whet one’s selfish desires, take away others’ benefits or lead to bullying and harming others.” (Lecture Two, Zhuan Falun)

I was not able to understand this principle well in the past, and I didn’t understand why I harm the interests of others and encourage selfishness when I want to live a good life. In fact, as an ordinary person, it is understandable to live a good life. But as a Dafa cultivator, I have actually begun to value myself and protect myself when I begin to desire a good life, which is one’s selfishness. With this thought in my mind, my behavior would be unconsciously affected by it, and I would act selfishly without realizing it.

If one is self-centered and values his or her own feelings, one is unable to consider the feelings of others, and thus he or she may inadvertently hurt others and encourage his or her selfishness without realizing it. My wife did basically all the chores and housework in our family, and I would rarely help with anything. I usually speak more directly and only care about my own feelings, and I would ignore whether the other party can accept it or may be hurt. Furthermore, sometimes I would use my own habits or thoughts to assess others, thinking that my way would be the best. I would feel uncomfortable if others did not follow my views and habits.

These are actually manifestations of upholding myself and emphasizing myself. They are all selfish, and failing to be considerate of others. “Selfishness” and “selflessness” are opposites and cannot coexist. What Master wants us to cultivate is the enlightenment of being unselfish and selfless, and putting others before ourselves.

Maintain Righteous Thoughts Amidst the Persecution

I was persecuted by the CCP in 2020 because I failed to pay attention to safety. The police tracked me to my residence and detained me in the local detention center that night.

Even though I had been practicing Dafa for so many years, I still felt worried when I faced persecution, but I quickly adjusted my mentality. From the moment I arrived at the police station until the time I was taken to the detention center, I kept sending righteous thoughts. At the time, my cultivation state was up and down, and I was worried that I wouldn’t do well, so I sent righteous thoughts and asked Master to strengthen me. I did not want to disgrace Dafa and Master, and I would not be overpowered by evil.

I was working on a project. After I was illegally detained, the police interrogated me several times in order to get information about other practitioners, and each time was like going to a battlefield. I asked Master to help me withstand the pressure each time when interrogated. I carefully examined my cultivation history, because I knew that I would face a greater test when I was interrogated. I learned the Fa in 1995 when I was in elementary school, and I was among the first batch of young Dafa disciples. Because I had been interested in cultivation and Gods and Buddhas since I was a child, I knew about Zhuan Falun, and it was what I wanted when I first saw the book. I knew that it would help me achieve consummation.

From the moment I began to practice Dafa, I experienced the state of the body being purified as mentioned in Zhuan Falun, the feeling of being as light as a swallow after purification, the rotation of the Falun in the palm of my hand, and Master in a dream with a loud voice to urge me to get up to do the exercises. When I was not diligent, Master would hint three times by letting me see the scene of people being eliminated in the end days.

Master requires us to cultivate selflessness, put others before ourselves, and consider others at all times. Such a good Dharma and such a compassionate Master, I would definitely follow Master and practice until the end.

When I solidified this thought, I faced a test the next day. During the interrogation, the police threatened me with my career, family, and marriage. They threatened to treat me as a coordinator and sentence me heavily if I didn’t reveal the requested information.

Because I had determined to cultivate with Master to the end, at that moment, I no longer held any hesitation in my heart, and I had a firm thought: “I can let go of everything in the world. There is no chance whatsoever for the police to get any information on other practitioners or projects from me.

They tried all their tricks and found that they couldn’t get any useful information and they stopped interrogating me. I was detained for a total of 35 days and released.

I am grateful to Master for taking care of me along the way. Thanks to the other practitioners for their help and reminders. I will continue to do the three things well, help Master rectify the Fa, and look forward to the day when I meet Master.