Cultivating in a Family Environment and Letting Go of Resentment

(Minghui.org) I began to practice Falun Dafa in 2018. Until recently, I had been stuck at a certain level in my cultivation for an extended period of time. I would like to share my experience of cultivating Dafa in my family environment. 

My Resentment Towards My Father and Brother

My parents are both impatient individuals. Their differing outlooks, combined with the influence of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) indoctrination, led to constant arguments for as long as I can remember. Growing up in this environment, I also became impatient. However, since practicing Dafa, I gradually overcame some of my short temper. My mother noticed the changes in me and recognized that it was due to my cultivating in Dafa. She took my advice and often recited, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” For a time, I felt that her demeanor had become gentler.

The xinxing test came when my father, who had been away from home for almost 10 years and only visited during holidays, retired in 2022. He then returned to live at home. This change led to different kinds of conflicts.

My father struggled to adjust to retirement. And, his overly cautious personality, shaped by the CCP indoctrination, contributed to his declining health and his worsening temper, and the words he said to us became more and more hurtful. My mother, who is also quite stubborn, initially argued with him. But over time, she became deeply affected by his unpleasant remarks, and fell into a depression. It seemed that she had aged overnight.

For the last two years, I was exhausted from trying to mediate their conflicts. And I gradually became emotionally affected, sometimes forgetting I am a practitioner. Feelings of frustration, resentment, and other negative emotions surfaced, and I found myself recalling various unhappy past events. As a practitioner, I knew that when I see two people arguing, I should look within. I understood these Fa principles on the surface, but I struggled to put them into practice. As a result, my behavior was inconsistent, contributing to a depressing family atmosphere. 

Then I looked deeper within, and discovered I was resentful of my father’s lack of acceptance of Dafa. Dafa saved his life during a heart attack. In that critical moment, he recited, “Falun Dafa is good! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!” I witnessed the miracle and began to practice Dafa, myself. However, he did not seem to take the incident seriously. Moreover, he resisted my efforts to clarify the truth to him about the persecution. I found it disappointing and became resentful.

This resentment seriously affected my cultivation. I found it difficult to achieve tranquility during the seated meditation because my mind was filled with grievances against my father. Memories of his quarrels with my mother and his selfishness kept surfacing. I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the interference, but saw little improvement.

I also held resentment towards my older brother who is 52. Since he was a child, our father was rough with him, scolding and hitting him frequently. As a result, he became indifferent towards the family. In my mother’s words, his only connection with the family was asking for money. He was academically unsuccessful and enlisted at a young age, but he caused a lot of trouble in the military. After he started working, he had a falling out with his management and lost his job. He then made a living by driving a taxi, but sold his car because he wanted to gamble. After he got divorced, he moved to a coastal city. His health collapsed after he had three vaccine shots, and he lost his job in 2022. My mother and I gave him most of our income to finance his medical treatment and living expenses, while we struggled financially ourselves. For a while, I felt resentful as soon as I thought of him. 

Changing My Notions by Looking Within

I took a moment to look within and realized that I was overly attached to my family. The more I tried to make a good life for them and pursue happiness, the greater my attachment became, and the more they acted out the falsehoods that targeted my attachments. Upon realizing that they have so tirelessly played a supporting role for my improvement, I appreciate their hard work. 

Around this time, Master showed me a scene in a dream. It was in a past life, and I bullied my brother and kicked him in the chest several times. He looked miserable. Perhaps, I now have to resolve that karma, which led to my relationship with him in this lifetime.

Actually, my brother is leading a miserable life in this lifetime, too. Alone and far away from the family, he has created so much karma out of ignorance, and he has suffered from many illnesses. I did not have compassion for him, so he could not feel the beauty of Dafa from me. 

Looking within further, I found jealousy. I was jealous of my brother for not caring about anything in the family and taking zero responsibility, whereas I was shouldering all the responsibilities for everything that needed to be done by the younger generation in the family.

Then I dug further and realized the basis of my sentiment was rooted in selfishness and self-interest. 

I wanted my family to do well and to be blessed by Dafa, and wanted myself to be spared their troubles and carry less of a burden. I wanted to relax, which was a strong attachment to self-interest; I also wanted my family to say good things about me, which was an attachment to seeking reputation. All of the above were to satisfy my own desires, which were selfishly motivated.

Digging still deeper, I found that I did not believe in Master and the Fa enough. I did not have enough faith in the perfection of my cultivation, because I had an inferiority complex, thinking that I started late, I was not diligent, I did the three things poorly, and I felt fear. I was unsatisfied with my own state of cultivation. I often had a helpless state of mind, thinking that I couldn’t do anything to change my surroundings. 

As a cultivator, I used human notions to deal with the hardship, and I acknowledged the helpless false self. I didn’t look at things from the perspective of a practitioner. 

Master treasures every practitioner, and I was also a divine being who made a vow to Master, so how could I dare to belittle myself? My behavior was not completely respectful of Master and the Fa, and was not in line with actual cultivation. In other words, it reflected that I was falling short in believing in Master and the Fa. 

Having found the root attachment, I was determined to practice actual cultivation according to Master’s requirements. I began to cultivate my every thought, remove the resentment, jealousy, and competitiveness bit by bit. I could feel that Master was watching over me all the time. I told myself that I have the ability, and that I should not underestimate myself.

Within two weeks, the false appearance disappeared: the quarrels in the house disappeared, and my father understood the truth about the persecution. He began to recite, “Falun Dafa is good. Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good” every day. When I entered the house one day, I heard my father playing the harmonica to accompany my mother’s short video, and I saw her smiling again.

As for my older brother, I’ll leave his path to Master’s arrangements. He is also a life predestined for Dafa and quit the Chinese Communist Party and its affiliated youth organizations. He also recites, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good” every day. What I have to do is to stay unaffected by his actions and view them with compassion, letting the karmic relationship between us be resolved positively.

As I am writing this, the false self made up of resentment vanished all of a sudden, and I realized that Master had cleared my dimensional field. Now, as soon as my human thoughts surface, I am able to identify them and can immediately send righteous thoughts to extinguish them. I will repeat this to remove all of the bad substances, layer by layer.

Thank you, esteemed Master!