(Minghui.org) I used to have strong resentment. I would have resentment as soon as I was treated just a little bit unfairly. I complained and blamed others and was in great agony. I identified this attachment after I started practicing Falun Dafa and tried very hard to get rid of it.
My stepfather never treated me well, even when I was little. He often swore at me with vicious words (actually he treated everyone like this). It hurt me badly. I felt very wronged and developed great resentment towards him.
I frequently got ill as a child. My mother sent me to live with my grandma who took care of me because my mom had to work; she came to see me occasionally. This pained me. My grandma didn’t teach me any life skills. I didn’t know how to communicate or interact with people, which affected me later on in life. I had no friends at school and didn’t know how to communicate with my peers. I didn’t dare to talk to female classmates. I had low self-esteem and was very introverted. I was bullied at school and at work. Life was unsatisfactory and I developed resentment towards my parents.
When I just started practicing Falun Dafa, I didn’t realize how much resentment I had for my parents. I only put up with them regardless of how many grudges and and how much bitterness I had. As my cultivation went on, I realized that it was not good enough to forbear it superficially; I must truly let go of this attachment.
My stepfather asked me a question that was a brainteaser during dinner one evening. I answered him, but he got emotional and started to argue with me and used harsh words. He grabbed my arm and I got angry and told him sternly that I didn’t want to continue. I asked him to sit down and not pester me.
Then I realized that I lost my rationality due to my long-term resentment for my stepfather and wanted to prove he was wrong by arguing with him. If it were not my stepfather, I would not have argued or gotten angry like this. I looked within and found that I had resentment, competitiveness, a mentality of validating myself, impatience, seeking fame and personal gain, selfishness and revenge. I behaved poorly. When I was sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate these attachments, my mother scolded me, which tested my forbearance. Luckily I calmed down at the time and was not controlled by my demon nature. I felt light after I finished sending forth righteous thoughts. I went to the living room to have a look. My stepfather was lying on the sofa playing on his cell phone as if nothing had happened. It was an illusion.
I was arrested twice for clarifying the truth to people. I was detained at the detention center once and got fired from my job three times. Life was not good to me. After each incident, I developed hatred towards the police and those who reported me to the police. I hated them for depriving me of my ability to work. Now I realize that however many bad things they did to me, Master transformed them into good things for me. Without them I would not have become as rational and steadfast in Dafa as I am today. Those tribulations were illusions and were arranged to temper me, as a Dafa practitioner. I saw that I should treat them with righteous thoughts and cultivate myself well.
I no longer hate those who persecuted me, nor do I complain about my situation. Instead, I thank them for helping me let go of human attachments which led to my improvement. I feel sorry for them because they are hurting themselves by committing wrongdoing. I hope they still have opportunities to know the truth and be saved.
When looking within, I find that resentment is connected to many other attachments. Resentment originates from selfishness and the attachment to oneself. It is a negative feeling. Resentment is accompanied with competitiveness, jealousy, and revenge. It seldom exists alone. These attachments are connected to and reinforce each other and manifest simultaneously. As long as one of the attachments is not let go, the rest are hard to let go of. As long as one of the attachments remains, the rest will come back. So we must cultivate all of them away.
These attachments have causal connections. It seems that a person is arguing about who is right and who is wrong. Actually his resentment causes such behavior. His resentment comes from jealousy. Resentment also develops due to one’s attachment to fame or personal gain. Resentment originates from selfishness. If one wants to get rid of this attachment, he’d better dig out the root.
After going through many tribulations, I realized that there is nothing unfair and there is no evil person. Master wants to perfect me and let me get rid of my attachments so I can enlighten amidst tribulations.
Looking back, I realized that I was too foolish to recognize this principle. I fell into the trap of arguing about who was right and who was wrong, who was good and who was bad and who suffered a loss. I was tormented by this attachment and couldn’t charge forward and failed to cultivate diligently.
Going forward I will conduct myself more strictly with the Fa principles and put them into practice without knowingly straying from them.