Letting Go of My Obsession with Online Shopping

(Minghui.org) I had a vivid dream about three years ago. In the dream, I lay comfortably on a thick and soft mattress. However, I realized that the filling of the mattress was actually clear water, with some black fish slowly swimming inside it.

I also saw a large black fish at my doorstep. It was about one meter long, and its open scales covered its body, which looked like armor. It was already dead. Upon waking up, I clearly sensed that fish symbolized the root of lust that Master had removed for me.

I described the dream in great detail to other practitioners later when I attended group Fa study. However, recently I finally came to realize that the dream was Master’s earnest hope for me to eliminate various human desires.

In the past few years, with the rise of Taobao live streaming, I fell deeply into the trap and couldn’t extricate myself. I spent a considerable amount of time every day in live streaming rooms, shopping for various products and clothing. That addiction continued even after some popular live streamers had been banned. A practitioner said jokingly that they were banned because of my attachment.

During that time, I lost a cell phone, and my eyesight gradually declined. I knew I shouldn’t be attached to online shopping, but I couldn’t stop myself. Eventually, my room and wardrobe were fully packed by the things I bought online.

My home remained messy most of the time, and the more chaotic it became, the less I felt like cleaning it up. I let it go, and sometimes I found a sense of happiness in that pigsty-like environment.

Other times, when I couldn’t stand the mess anymore, I would thoroughly clean and organize everything, only to find it returning to its original messy state shortly after.

Two years ago, I visited a practitioner’s home to study the Fa and saw that every corner of her home was spotless, with simple and well-organized arrangements. She had a respectful altar where she placed Master’s image, which moved me to tears. Despite feeling shaken and regretful, I still couldn’t bring myself to make drastic changes and clean up the mess in my own home.

It became difficult buying groceries when the city was under lockdown last year. Facing the various food and drinks I had accumulated, I was proud of myself that I had foresight in stocking up. Three months later the lockdown was lifted. However, I felt a sense of disgust when these stockpiled items were still unconsumed.

Shortly after, I experienced an incident that was a strong reminder for me. My husband’s friend bought some pork to make braised meat to sell and asked for my husband’s help in marinating it, which included using an additive called “Meat Aroma Booster.”

My husband’s body, especially his scalp, emitted the scent of that additive after he worked there for just a day. No matter how many times he washed his hair with different shampoos, the smell persisted for a month before finally fading away.

From then on, whenever I ate any processed food, the idea that “this taste is from additives” would come to my mind. I knew Master was helping me, and gradually, I let go of the desire for different foods.

I kept buying clothes constantly on Taobao and I would spend up to a 1,000 yuan every month. I bought some clothes because I thought the hosts on live streams looked good in them, while others were purchased just because they were cheap.

I knew there were many attachments here—attachment to comfort, vanity, self-interest, the mentality of showing off, and even lust. I tried to let go, but there was always something that kept me entangled and unable to free myself.

During that time, Master constantly warned me in various ways, such as through dreams or through others’ words. For example, someone once said, “I don’t understand why so many people wear highly-imitated clothing of luxury brands.”

I realized that I shouldn’t do it because I followed the principle of truthfulness. So, I stopped buying clothes from popular online stores, but I still followed one particular brand’s live streams. I didn’t stop until later when I came across the following passage while studying the Fa.

Master said:

“Nevertheless, such a phony qigong master has taken advantage of your weaknesses and people’s attachments. Don’t you seek to cure illnesses? Well, this person will organize a treatment class that specifically teaches you some healing methods...” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)

I felt clearly that Master was reminding me further on this matter. Since then I fundamentally let go of this attachment.

During these past few years of continuous shopping, it not only made my home messy but also disrupted my state of tranquility when studying the Fa. I would feel restless at home, finding it difficult to focus when studying the Fa. But when I went to other practitioners’ homes for Fa study, I could feel a sense of tranquility.

At the weekly group Fa study, it happened that I read the following paragraph that specifically targeted my issue and helped me:

““Your room is too messy, and there are too many things.” Then, it left. Usually, when there are many evil spirits in other dimensions, my fashen will clean them out for you. His room, however, was full of different bad qigong books.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)

After reading it, I knew what to do: I gave away clothes that didn’t fit, and got rid of the items that were not suitable. At the same time, I value the ones I currently have and am respectful towards what I have.

I am no longer interested in online shopping, and I only buy what is truly necessary.

During one session of Fa study, I suddenly realized that over these years, I had wasted a lot of money and resources that belonged to Dafa. From the bottom of my heart, I said to Master repeatedly in my mind, “Master, I was wrong!”

I felt Master do guanding for me, from head to toe, from the microscopic particles to the macroscopic, like waves pushing and advancing; it was very awe-inspiring.

I know that Master has been helping me, hoping that I can let go of worldly wants, be like a true cultivator, and be pure hearted and free from desires.