Am I Putting Others or Myself First?

(Minghui.org) I’ve read many practitioners’ experience sharing articles on the Minghui website. Some said that they didn’t know how to cultivate or felt they’d just learned how to cultivate even though they’d practiced for years. I’ve recently noticed something similar in myself.

I Was Looking Inward Based on Selfishness

As my parents aged, I’ve had to spend more time caring for them. This has meant cooking, doing their laundry, and taking care of the housework. But conflicts arose despite my best efforts. At first they either complained about my cooking or refused to eat it. They later scolded me for cleaning their room.

Although I searched inward and tried my best to satisfy them, the conflicts were not resolved, and they accused me of not being responsible.

I later started to participate in a Dafa project, and another practitioner taught me the ropes because I had no experience. He got stricter with me as time went by, to the point where I couldn’t tolerate it. He wanted me to meet his standard of competency, and I felt so much pressure. I didn’t maintain my xinxing and loudly pushed back.

I rarely yelled at people, so I apologized to him afterwards. I suddenly understood how my parents felt! I was imposing on my parents what I thought was right for them, and I made them feel uncomfortable.

I thought I was helping them, but my motivation was based on “self.” I didn’t consider whether or not they would be all right with how I was doing things. It also showed that I was unkind. Therefore, even when I searched inward, it was still within the “self.” So no matter how I cultivated, I was running around in circles and couldn’t really change anything.

Putting Others First

After finding my shortcoming, I cooked and did the housework as usual, but I paid more attention to what my parents liked. I served them the delicious dishes and I ate the unpalatable ones. When I spoke to them or did things for them, I tried to consider their feelings first and not impose my understandings on them.

I gave more and I didn’t expect any gratitude or payback. I just followed Master’s teaching: “... you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature,” Essentials For Further Advancement)

After I changed, my parents’ attitude changed 180 degrees. Going forward, they were nice and considerate. They gave me a big red envelope on Chinese New Year, saying it was for their “chef.”

A practitioner told me many years ago, “I want to treat everyone with the utmost kindness.” I noticed he thought of others first even when it came to trivial matters, and he gave of himself selflessly. Kindness does carry a powerful energy.

Was I doing the three things based on “putting others first” or was I “putting myself first?” How about when I did things in general? After careful consideration, I realized that it wasn’t because I didn’t know how to cultivate, but because the basis for my cultivation was off.