Cultivating Myself Amid My Parents’ Illness Karma Tribulations

(Minghui.org) By the time I was born, my mother had already started to practice Falun Dafa cultivation. I used to practice with her when I was young. I felt that period of time to be very precious. Unfortunately, I didn’t treasure it after I grew up. Thanks to the saving grace of Master Li Hongzhi (Falun Dafa’s founder), I was given another chance to return to my true self. Thus, my predestined relationship with Falun Dafa was reconnected after having experienced some tribulations.

A year ago, my mother had the symptoms of cerebral thrombosis and was in a coma. I didn’t call the ambulance to take her to the Emergency Room when she became ill. Under Master’s protection, she regained consciousness in about a month. Four months later, she managed to walk on her own. I quit my job and broke up with my boyfriend to care for my unconscious mother. For someone like me who hadn’t been cultivating solidly for quite a while, I suddenly felt overwhelmed. Perhaps because Dafa had rooted in my heart when I was young, I still had a little bit of righteous thoughts. I knew as a practitioner, that Master would take care of me and I’d be fine. Thus, I didn’t cry, but studied the Fa and sent forth righteous thoughts with fellow practitioners.

I began to recite Zhuan Falun over and over. I also recited Hong Yin and read Master’s new lectures. Sometimes when certain passages of the Fa moved me, I’d memorize them. I felt deeply that with more Fa in my mind, my human thoughts subsided. A lot of times, when a conflict arose, Master’s Fa would quickly enlighten my mind, then I’d know what to do.

Master said,

“With such a deep impression [of the Fa] in their minds, whenever they do something they’ll be able to hold themselves to a practitioner’s standard. It really makes a difference.” (“Suggestions Given at the Beijing Falun Dafa Assistants Meeting,” Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa)

After my mother regained consciousness, I studied the Fa with her. We read word for word, very slowly. During the process, my patience was tempered, and my anxiety and impatience were removed. The more I became agitated, the harder it was for mother to read with me. Later on, I wasn’t anxious or impatient anymore, but rather compassion came forth and I was able to see more Fa-principles.

Sometimes when I couldn’t sit still due to my leg pain, I remembered I was studying the universal Law, it’s so sacred! The more pain I felt, the more I wanted to sit in a lotus position. I wouldn’t take my legs down until a few hours had passed. When I took care of household chores, my mother sat there and complained that I didn’t do this or that when cleaning up. In the beginning, I’d be unhappy about her comments and talk back, “What else do you still need me to do?!” I went from feeling unhappy and complaining to keeping my mouth shut. But still, deep down, I couldn’t completely let go of my sentimentality. Since I didn’t reach the standards of forbearance, there were always tests in this respect. Then, suddenly, one day, I could completely let it go, stopped making any excuses, and did things well quietly. Finally, I was able to pass this test!

I felt I had sacrificed a lot. However, one time, when I argued about something on the grounds of my “sacrifices,” a practitioner asked me while using her finger to point at me, “What did you do?” I didn’t remember how I replied to her, but just felt I was terribly wronged. After I calmed down, I located many attachments. Most prominently, I didn’t want to be criticized due to my attachment to vanity. So I sat down to send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate these bad substances and negated them all. Then I recalled what Master said,

“What’s not to feel thankful for, then? You really should feel thankful towards that person, and I mean it.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)

I began to feel I should truly appreciate that practitioner.

Sometimes I thought: People of my age indulge themselves and enjoy life. However, I had none of that but only cleaned up the floors at home. I couldn’t share with regular people on the matter of cultivation and I only knew very few practitioners my age. A sense of loneliness emerged. I realized that this was not the true me, but my post-natal notions. I had pursued the leisures and happiness of a human’s life. I’m a practitioner, the Creator’s disciple, why would I feel lonely! Later I came across this passage:

“...No longer am I sorrowful, nor feeling lostBecause the Creator, the Fa King, has come, for whom I have waitedBecause I have stepped on the divine path returning home”(“Life’s True Meaning,” Hong Yin IV)

A practitioner shared that she didn’t cultivate herself well before. After becoming more determined in her cultivation, she began to run into things that required her to improve her xinxing every day. I felt just the same.

Master also said, “It should be said that spiritual practice is not easy. It’s a very serious matter, as I see it.” (The Third Talk, Zhuan Falun)

I tried to not be moved by my mother’s harsh words and actions. Because what manifested in her might not necessarily be her true self, it could have been for the sake of eliminating my attachments and helping me improve.

When a small thing occurred, I would find one attachment and then eliminate it. That’s how I kept letting go of attachments one by one. Until I felt something that initially appeared to be very important to me became nothing. Sometimes, when I didn’t pass my trial well and felt a bit bitter deep down, Master’s words would echo in my ear,

“...Those who make it back, however, will find that the worst of their suffering here...” (The Third Talk, Zhuan Falun)

I’d sigh and think to myself, “True, I’m truly suffering!” Right then, the next sentence would echo in my ear again,

“...was in fact the most valuable...” (The Third Talk, Zhuan Falun)

I really wanted to cry, I understood it was Master being compassionate. This wasn’t a bad thing. What Master has given us is the best. This was an opportunity that Master gave me so I could return home. So I made up my mind to cultivate myself well.

Later I found a job in a nearby pharmacy. When it wasn’t busy at work, I began to recite the Fa. Since I kept up with doing the three things, my cultivation state improved. I could take the Fa to heart, which made me feel fulfilled every day. I had thought my hardest time had passed. So I could keep moving forward like this.

Unexpectedly, about six months ago, my father who is also a practitioner, appeared to have similar symptoms as my mother. We decided not to take him to the hospital. Within two months, he could get up from bed and walk on his own. On the night his illness karma first appeared he was confined to bed and fellow practitioners all came to my home to visit him. Having witnessed a similar scene previously, I was very calm deep down: I’d only walk on the path arranged by Master, period. My only thought was that I believed in Master.

Soon after I was under pressure in many ways. When it all pressed down upon me, I felt more difficulty than before. However, I had now built up a good cultivation foundation. My faith towards Master and Dafa was firm. I negated the old forces’ arrangement, wasn’t moved by sentimentality and studied the Fa, and sent forth righteous thoughts with other practitioners every day.

After my father regained consciousness, he didn’t recognize any words. So I studied the Fa with him and read word for word. At times he seemed to experience interference and couldn’t pronounce properly, so we had to read more slowly. I kept sending forth righteous thoughts and studying the Fa. While helping my father, I didn’t stop tempering myself and expanding my heart.

“...But mastery comes to those who perseverePracticing hard, studying with heart, for countless days...”(“An Ode to Shen Yun’s Artists,” Hong Yin V)

Empowered by Master, he could almost study the Fa on his own in the end.

As I cared for my father some attachments, which I considered having been eliminated, flared up again. So I had to eliminate them again. Also, some new attachments popped up. I had to painstakingly isolate and see through these attachments and eliminate them. Sometimes I couldn’t endure anymore and ended up crying out loud. I knew I had to broaden my heart, so I went to a practitioner’s home to study more Fa. When I came back, I could face everything with a smile.

One time, I couldn’t maintain my xinxing and let go of my temper. I complained about why my life had become like this – for I had to take care of everything on my own. I was only in my early 20s, who’d look after me? I felt terribly wronged. However, my sister who I hadn’t heard from in a long time suddenly called me, telling me how well she was doing, how nicely her boyfriend treated her, and how happy she was with her work. After I hung up with her, I felt very envious, also a bit sad. I knew my mindset wasn’t right, so I kept clearing my mind deep down before I went to do the exercises.

The melodious exercise music, especially Master’s words, made me gradually calm down. Then Master’s words appeared in front of me word for word,

“A practitioner will surely not be occupied by the wants that normally consume people and will place little value in worldly things. What he will have in his life, however, are higher things that people ordinarily can’t have—even if they come to know about them and want them.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)

What was I longing for? What’s the purpose of my coming down to the human world? Right then, I found the answer in Master’s words,

“...The Dafa that frees people is now being spreadLearn the truth to clear the conspicuous mist”(“There’s Hope,” Hong Yin III)

I thought about Master. Then as if I saw the universe, my heart suddenly became very big and comfortable, which was far from any feeling I had ever experienced. Right then, I knew that beings who obtain the Fa are truly fortunate!

Time and tribulations can test a practitioner’s faith, also temper a practitioner’s will. Master helped save my parents’ lives. What He had to endure is beyond our imagination. What’s left for us to do, can only be done by making breakthroughs as we truly cultivate. During the process, there will be continuous tests. When my parents’ main consciousnesses weren’t strong, there were all kinds of manifestations. But I knew that was not their true selves. When my mother wanted to end her life and attempted to make all kinds of dangerous moves, what was I to do? Have faith in Master and keep my heart unmoved! Soon enough, the illusion disappeared.

When my father sighed and felt helpless and didn’t study the Fa or do the exercises, what must I do? Have faith in Master and not have my heart moved. Soon enough, he regained consciousness and took his initiative in studying the Fa and doing the exercises. When both of them suddenly became sad, when their physical conditions had ups and downs, when they were moved, what should I do? Have faith in Master and Dafa and not be moved!

Master said,

“When you take each test and difficulty as an opportunity to improve and let things go, you will be able to pass the test.” (Lecture Given at the Conference in Sydney)

After I firmed up my righteous thoughts, gradually I was able to get over my tribulations.

With the passage of time, I also heard some practitioners saying, “Your parents have practiced for so many years, how come they are like that?” Of course, there were times when my parents didn’t do well and they had difficulties eliminating their attachments, but these were also factors for me to cultivate. I knew everything that happened had a karmic reason behind it and the underlying factors were rather complicated. But since it had already happened, Master would have turned it into a good thing.

“...since people can’t perceive the deeper causes or karmic reasons behind things, or their core...” (The First Talk, Zhuan Falun)

A god looks at things from all directions. What can we humans understand from our perspective! When one day we finally come to understand everything, we may think, “So, that was it!” How come cultivation became so simple?

During that period of time, I could truly feel I was elevated, continuously elevated. It was as if I was pushed to go up higher and higher. Master already knew when something would occur. It was Master pushing and empowering me, for the sake of my cultivation, as well as having righteous thoughts to face the tribulations. Thank you Master!

Before long, a practitioner taught me how to drive and in addition, his daughter helped me find a job. Through cultivation, my skillsets quickly improved. As a result, my work performance was recognized by my boss and colleagues. I knew it was Master helping me. Initially, I felt that what I couldn’t previously accomplish in society, now I made up for it. In fact, Master tells us that we do not lose anything in a material sense. What we end up losing are all bad things.

My mindset has changed through being tempered, I became a true practitioner. I managed to maintain my xinxing among ordinary people, resist temptations and keep purifying myself with the Fa in my heart. I changed myself completely and walk the path of returning to my original true self. Now people even remark that I look as young and vibrant as a teenager.

One day, when I studied the Fa, I came across what Master said,

“China is like Lord Lao’s crucible, smelting Dafa disciples, and the flame has been cranked up. It’s like a severe test, designed to rid you of human thinking and attachments. The torment is hard to bear, of course, but what comes from it is true gold.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference”)

Master uses this way to help us reach consummation after all. I felt the beings established by Dafa shined brightly in the universe.

I am fortunate. Thinking back, I truly felt this period of time very precious. With us reincarnating lifetime after lifetime, where is our home? Only by cultivating diligently in this lifetime and striving to save people, could we fulfill our wishes. This was not only for ourselves but also for all sentient beings. This precious opportunity will not come again. I’ll return home with Master after having realized my wish.

Thank you, Master! Heshi!

Thank you, fellow practitioners, for your unselfish contributions!

Due to my limited understanding, please kindly point out anything inappropriate.