Looking in a Mirror

(Minghui.org) I used to pursue perfection in everything I did and was very much attached to “self.” After I started practicing Falun Dafa over 10 years ago, I realized that this was a strong attachment.

In the early days of my cultivation, I felt that I improved very quickly. I could feel Master Li's protection all the time. I felt extremely happy and always had a smile on my face. After a while, I realized that cultivation was actually very serious and not as easy as I had originally thought.

Conflicts on a Project

Another practitioner and I worked on the same Dafa project. We ate and stayed together as the situation needed. When we sent forth righteous thoughts and did the exercises, I often saw him in a daze. His hands drooped when he sent righteous thoughts, and his exercise movements were not correct.

I reminded him to be alert while sending righteous thoughts and told him that sending righteous thoughts was like a battle between righteousness and evil in another dimension. If we did not send them well, it would be hard to eliminate the evil beings. I also reminded him to do the exercises correctly.

Instead of accepting my suggestions and correcting himself, he turned to me and said that I was not alert while sending righteous thoughts, my hands drooped, and my exercise movements were not correct.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I believed that my main consciousness was strong, my righteous thoughts were sent well because I knew they are critically important, and it was impossible for my exercise movements to be incorrect.

I couldn't get over it. I tried to help him, but he turned around and blamed me for doing what I said he was doing. I was not calm, and I didn't admit that there was anything wrong with me. Since the beginning of my cultivation, I have known the importance of the exercise movements and sending righteous thoughts. I usually made painstaking efforts to do these things right and couldn’t accept that I had problems with them.

Tensions on the Rise

Neither one of us improved based on the Fa and didn't regard ourselves as cultivators. This was because we didn't realize that Master had arranged this test for us both to improve our xinxing and to let go of our attachments.

A few days later, our conflict escalated. As a result, we were both interfered with by the old forces and became more attached to each other's situation.

I was overwhelmed by it and felt very depressed. I didn't know what to do and cried when I was alone. I asked myself why I couldn’t break through this test when I usually took doing the three things seriously?

I felt weighed down and couldn't let it go, but I still continued doing the Dafa project with this practitioner. My emotions were so obvious that even other practitioners noticed that my smiling face was replaced with a sad one. I remembered one time when I was doing the sitting meditation, I suddenly heard Master’s voice say, “Smile!”

I tried to smile, but I still felt deeply depressed. This lasted for quite some time.

Master said:

“I have thus said before that Dafa disciples, being cultivators, should view problems in the opposite manner from how human beings do. Some people are unhappy when they meet with unpleasant things. Then aren’t you a human being? How are you any different? When you encounter unpleasant things, it is precisely time to cultivate yourself, to cultivate your mind.” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa”)

Wanting to Improve

I knew that I didn’t do a good job as a cultivator and I was too attached to the other practitioner’s situation. I tried to get rid of my attachment, so I turned my back to him while sending righteous thoughts and doing the exercises. I was no longer moved or touched by what he said, and I just focused on improving myself.

Later, when I was doing the exercises, the test cropped up again. He pointed out the same problems again, and I was disgusted. I said, “You have the same problems as me. Why do you criticize me? Let's cultivate and improve ourselves!”

I was very angry after I said this. Master’s Fa then hit me:

“If someone said something bad about him, he would be upset. This person’s attachments to fame and self-interest were all developed.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)

I knew I was wrong again. I didn't maintain my xinxing and lost another opportunity to improve. Because I didn't know how to look inward, my xinxing couldn’t improve. That's why the test had lasted for so long and was difficult for me to pass.

From then on, I regarded the other practitioner as a mirror of myself. When his hands drooped and he dozed off, I stopped being attached to his situation and looked inward to cultivate myself. When the test reappeared later, I was not moved anymore. I said to him, “If you see my palm droop and I doze off, or I see you doing the same things, there must be something for us to cultivate.”

One morning, I saw a large package wrapped in tape fall out of my closet when I was sending righteous thoughts. I understood that Master was telling me that the burden that had weighed me down had been cast off. In fact, these tests were all Master's compassionate arrangements for me to improve. They were meant for me to let go of “self.” My smiling demeanor also returned.

I realized that cultivation is like constructing a high-rise building. It must be built one floor at a time. A practitioner must make up for the tests and difficulties that he cannot pass, just like a high-rise building.

Human Notions and Demon Nature Exposed

A practitioner and I set up a small truth-clarification material site in 2013. We worked well together. Financially, we were self-sufficient and didn't ask other practitioners for money. Apart from those who were affluent and insisted on contributing to help pay for the materials, we usually didn’t accept any money from other practitioners.

However, after two years of running the site, conflicts between us surfaced. The other practitioner started complaining and blaming me for various things. I was fine with him in the beginning, but it soon was too much for me to handle, and I got irritable.

I started to blame him for not looking inward when he didn’t do well making the materials. I didn't maintain my xinxing well, and my fighting mentality surfaced. Our confrontations were harsh. The process revealed to me that I looked down on him. Our demon nature dominated, making us no different from ordinary people.

When encountering problems, we both blamed each other instead of looking inward and cultivating ourselves. For a long time, we were trapped in the notion, “I am right and you are wrong.” We simply couldn't see through the illusion and couldn't get out of it.

Master said:

“Do you realize that as long as you’re a cultivator, in any environment or under any circumstances, I will use any troubles or unpleasant things you come across—even if they involve work for Dafa, or no matter how good or sacred you think they are—to eliminate your attachments and expose your demon-nature so that it can be eliminated, for your improvement is what’s most important.” (“Further Understanding,” Essentials for Further Advancement)

I came to understand why I behaved like that. My human notions and demon nature were all exposed. I would not have encountered this test if I didn't have these notions and attachments. I realized that it was all my fault because I didn't study the Fa well and didn't cultivate well. In fact, when I thought that he had the problem, it was actually me who had the problem.

I began to look inward and found I had many human notions and attachments, such as showing off, a competitive mentality, and jealousy. I also found that I was afraid that problems would arise if he could not cultivate well, as it would affect the operation of the site.

When encountering problems, I would blame him instead of compassionately pointing out his shortcomings and discussing the situation with him.

I felt relaxed after finding my problems. I decided to let go of my notions and attachments and cooperate with him unconditionally as one-body.

From then on, I made the materials with a pure heart. I didn’t think about anything while I did. When something went wrong with the printing, I would immediately say to the printer, “I’m sorry, it’s my fault. It’s all because of my impure thoughts.” As a result, the next page would print just fine.

Over the past eight years, we have made sure that the materials have been of good quality. We have provided local practitioners with the materials in a timely manner, which has played a positive role in letting more people know about Falun Dafa and the persecution in our area.

I saw a golden pagoda in the sky in 2018 while I was taking a bus to deliver a package of The Ultimate Goal of Communism books to other practitioners. I looked around and didn’t see a physical pagoda nearby.

I understood that Master was encouraging me to do well. Now I know I can make high-quality materials efficiently with a pure heart.

I am grateful for Master’s compassion. Thank you, Master!