Cultivating Myself Amidst Tribulations

(Minghui.org) My son, his wife, and my grandson came to spend Chinese New Year with me from overseas at the end of 2019. To welcome them, I spent a lot of time preparing all sorts of things for them and slacked off in my cultivation. I didn’t do the three things well and didn’t prioritize my cultivation. As a result, the old forces took advantage of my loopholes.

When I was distributing truth clarification materials in February, I was reported to the police and arrested and detained at the police station for two days. I was released thanks to Master Li’s (the founder of Falun Dafa) compassionate protection. I looked within for the reason for this blunder. I found I had many human attachments. I hadn’t treated cultivation seriously since I started practicing Falun Dafa more than 20 years ago. I did not strictly adhere to the Fa’s requirements. Sometimes I just did things superficially. I made up my mind to solidly cultivate myself in the future.

I calmed down and pondered what went wrong with me while I was detained. I discovered a lot of attachments and human notions. I regarded postnatal notions as my true self. My main consciousness was not strong, so rotten elements were harbored in my dimensional field. I didn’t genuinely cultivate myself or elevate myself in the Fa. I want to dig out those bad elements, expose them, and get rid of them.

Show-Off Mentality and Seeking Fame

When others praised me, I was pleased with myself. I liked to show off when I made a lot of informational materials and clarified the truth to many people well, so my vanity was satisfied and I saved face. I didn’t like to expose my shortcomings and only let people know what I was doing well. When practitioners pointed this out to me, I tried to defend myself, found excuses, and even lied. I tried to protect myself and save face. I liked to show off and was eager to present my views. I was attached to my self and always having the upper hand. I plagiarized other practitioners’ insights on Minghui as my own and showed off in front of local practitioners to show them how capable I was.

Master’s comment on the article “If the Attachment to Showing Off Isn’t Eliminated, the Danger is Great” was a warning to me, but I didn’t realize it. I only cultivated myself superficially. I realized the importance of getting rid of the show-off mentality through this period of detention. I memorized the section “The Mentality of Showing Off” in Lecture Six of Zhuan Falun after I was released. I held myself to the standard of the Fa. As soon as I had the desire to show off, I grasped it and cultivated it away. Gradually, this attachment became less obvious.

Lust, Desire, and Suspicion

My husband once had an affair, so I was always suspicious of him. If he came home late, I would suspect that he was with someone or doing something bad. Sometimes I checked his cellphone to find out who he contacted or where he went. Indecent images sometimes appeared in my mind with many selfish thoughts. I realized that I had suspicions as well as lust and desire, jealousy, combativeness, and resentment. Sometimes when evil thoughts popped up and I was unable to suppress them, I recited the section “Your Main Consciousness Should Predominate” in Lecture Six of Zhuan Falun and dispelled the evil thoughts and opposed them. I begged Master to reinforce my righteous thoughts to get rid of the bad thoughts. At the same time, I looked at things from my husband’s point of view. I tried to tolerate him, understand him, and take care of him.

I enlightened from the Fa that when he was not good to me, it reminded me to cultivate myself. He was like a mirror that would reflect my cultivation state. If I didn’t get rid of those elements and didn’t cultivate myself, the old forces would take advantage of my loopholes and change everyday people for the worse and destroy them. I vowed not to acknowledge the old forces’ arrangements and only do what Master tells us to do. So I studied the Fa more and reinforced my righteous thoughts. When the evil thoughts came up, I negated, eliminated, and dissolved them. The bad substances have become less and less dense and my mind is clearer. I will continue cultivating myself solidly.

Fear

One day, six male police officers broke into my home and arrested me. I begged Master to strengthen me, but my mind was not steady. On the way to and at the police station, I clarified the truth to the officers but I had some fear. I recited the Fa and sent forth righteous thoughts, and I calmed down. When I was interrogated, I told the police what Falun Dafa was and why I practiced it. When they asked for my personal information, I told them that they already knew all my personal information. When they asked me for other practitioners’ information, I refused to answer. Finally, I wrote “Falun Dafa is a righteous way,” on the interrogation statement, signed it, and put my fingerprint on it. I thought I did the right thing.

When I dug into the source of my thoughts, I found that there was a hidden fear. I feared that I would be persecuted further, that I would lose my freedom and family, and that my family would worry and resent me. I knew I was wrong and had cooperated with the evil. What should I do?

I kept looking within and reciting the Fa until I remembered that Master said,

“If you don’t let the evil’s interference sway you, bad factors won’t arise from you, the evil will become trivial, you will become towering and massive, and your righteous thoughts will be ample. That’s truly the case.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the Epoch Times Meeting,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. X)

“If you can have sufficient righteous thoughts, you can then be towering and massive within your expanse and suppress any bad things that might exist there.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the Epoch Times Meeting,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. X)

My righteous thoughts came forth because I had the Fa in my heart. I didn’t do well before, but I would do well now. I would not be moved by my human heart or the evil.

I asked myself, “Who am I? Where did I come from? Didn’t I sign a contract with Master? Aren’t I able to let go of my earthly family and sentimentality? What is most important in my heart at this particular moment? How can I be a worthy Dafa disciple, since countless beings in the universe are watching me? How should I do things so Master will be pleased with me? What would Master want me to do?”

I became more and more clear. I understood that I am a Dafa disciple and came here because of prehistoric vows to validate Dafa and save sentient beings, which was my mission and responsibility. I was able to let go of sentimentality, my family, and wanting to live a comfortable life; these were not important. What matters is fulfilling my vows and going home with Master. I only want Dafa. I will only follow Master to my original home.

My mind was full of righteous thoughts, solemnity, and warmth. My dimensional field became calm and serene. I was determined. I knew Master was beside me and strengthening me. I was so thankful to Master.

With my righteous thoughts, I had no fear or worries. I only wanted to do what Dafa practitioners should do. While I was detained, I clarified the truth to a dozen people. Two of them agreed to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). One young man was in charge of monitoring me. I clarified the truth to him because I wanted to save him. I was full of compassion. I talked to him sincerely. He was moved and respected me. We talked like friends. He acknowledged what I said and listened to me patiently. He raised many questions which I answered one by one. He understood a lot, especially about the true nature of the CCP, and agreed to withdraw from it. I was soon released.