Understanding Forbearance

(Minghui.org) Master told us:

“Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” (“What is Forbearance (Ren)?”, Essentials for Further Advancement)

I have only had a superficial understanding of forbearance since I started practicing Falun Dafa. Consequently, I could not achieve the level of forbearance required by Master when there was interference. Instead, I acted like a “strong woman” whenever I could; I didn’t accept criticism, and I forced people to listen to me. 

I knew that I didn’t have enough forbearance, but I did not know the root cause of my shortcoming. I unknowingly developed an attitude of resentment, which manifested in accusatory words and made me distressed. My mind lacked peace and compassion, and so, conversations with my husband were tense.

In the past 30 years, I never said a good word to my husband. I corrected him all the time and looked down on him. As a result, he never smiled at me and did not talk to me kindly either. As a consequence, we both suffered and there was no harmony between us. I would have divorced him or at least separated from him a long time ago if such behavior wasn't restricted by Dafa. 

Through memorizing the Fa, I now have a peaceful mind even when my husband talks harshly to me. I answer him in a calm tone.

Given my strong will to cultivate well, my husband had to allow me to do Dafa projects at home. He also listened to Master’s lectures and watched NTDTV regarding international news and the spread of Dafa in the world. As a result, he knew the true nature of Falun Dafa and even helped me with Dafa projects. For example, when he went shopping he used paper currency with Dafa messages written on it, and he protected Dafa materials when I was persecuted by the Chinese Communist Party. 

Unfortunately, my husband still doesn’t cultivate Dafa. Now I understand that it was my resentment towards him that blocked him from becoming a Dafa practitioner. I started sending strong righteous thoughts to eliminate my resentment, changing my way of thinking, and treating him with compassion. 

I am a Dafa disciple and he isn’t. However, he endured a lot when I was persecuted due to my lack of righteous thoughts. He was under a lot of pressure because I cultivated Dafa. In a way, he should have a bright future after suffering because of me and he should have an amazing life.

With those thoughts in mind, my resentment, derived from human thoughts of gains and losses, disappeared. My character improved. Now I have high expectation that one day he will become a Dafa student.

Now that I no longer feel resentment, I talk to my husband naturally and in a soft voice. I take it lightly when he unfairly accuses me of something. I don't feel angry at all. I finally feel the forbearance of a cultivator. 

If one is kind to others and considers others from their perspective, whenever a conflict occurs, it can be ignored or treated as nothing. At that level, one can transcend and reach a new level of forbearance by following the principle of compassion within the forbearance. 

I have seen changes in my husband. This year, he bought a big mooncake several days before the Mid-autumn Festival to celebration Master’s great compassion.

Now, we live in harmony. My husband knows how to take care of me. He also takes the initiative to talk to me and his gloomy expression has disappeared. We treat each other as husband and wife rather than enemies.

It was Falun Dafa that helped me get rid of my human grievances. Although I could have enlightened to the principle sooner, I still consider myself fortunate to have made such a significant step forward during the Fa-rectification process. 

Dear Master, I have been cultivating Dafa for 22 years and you haven’t given up on me. I will do the three things well and repay your great compassion and suffering.