(Minghui.org) I had a short temper and often fought with my husband. My temper was so out of control that I even broke the dinner table once. Sometimes I would threaten my husband with a knife. I really did not intend to hurt anyone, but the neighbors and our relatives knew to leave when I started getting angry.
Everything changed after I started to practice Falun Dafa in February 1998. Even though twenty years have passed, when I think of how badly I behaved, I feel ashamed. I am a completely different person now.
Here I would like to share some of the experiences I've had since I began practicing Falun Dafa.
Eliminating Karma
A few days after I started practicing, I began experiencing symptoms of being ill. One day when I was returning home from the Falun Dafa exercise site, my left leg suddenly became numb and I had difficulty standing up straight. At first I ignored it, but then it gradually became worse. The other practitioners assured me that everything was fine, and that karma was being eliminated from my body. A few days passed, but it did not get better. I had lost most of the feeling in my left leg, and I often fell.
After a month, my left leg was noticeably thinner than the right one. Panicked, I went to the hospital, and was told that I had myasthenia gravis. The nerves were damaged, and my muscles were atrophying. The doctors said there was no treatment and sent me home. They said that I would not be able to kneel or crouch down, and that I should avoid getting cold.
Unwilling to accept what happened, I tried all kinds of therapies, but nothing worked. I wore heavy winter clothes on the hottest summer days.
When the other practitioners asked me to come and do the exercises with them, I became angry and yelled, “If I do any more Falun Dafa exercises, I will be paralyzed!” Most of my neighbors knew about my situation, and some developed a negative opinion of Dafa.
I became depressed, so my husband took me to his parents' house to take my mind off of my situation. It turned out that both of his parents practiced Falun Dafa. When they heard that I was there, several practitioners from the area came to my in-laws' house for Fa-study. When they read the Fa, at first I didn't want to listen. However, gradually, the words entered my heart. After a while, I understood that Master eliminates most of the karma for practitioners, but some is left for us to cultivate through.
I decided to resume practicing Falun Dafa.
I Return to Cultivation
It was winter and many practitioners had gathered at the exercise site. When it was time to meditate, I sat on the ground. Even though I still thought I had myasthenia gravis I had worn thin slacks because it would be difficult to sit in the double-lotus position with thick slacks. The ground was cold. One practitioner offered to give me her chair, and the others told me not to hold the double-lotus position for a long time if my leg started to hurt.
I believed that Dafa is very powerful, and that I would be fine. With my solid belief in Master and my wish to truly cultivate, I easily finished the meditation. Within a few days, Master eliminated all the karma that had tortured me for a year.
Very soon, both legs were normal and many people witnessed this miracle. After they saw this they began to say good things about Falun Dafa.
My Husband Begins to Practice
The next amazing thing that happened was that I was able to control my bad temper and to think of the impact of what I was saying might have on others. I became a gentle person.
Unfortunately, my husband had many bad habits. He never came home for dinner, and he was drunk every day. It seemed like all his friends were from the bottom levels of society, and he hung out with them and drank with them every day. He also used his position as a government officer to bully restaurant owners and extort money from them.
Looking back, I now know this was an opportunity to improve my xinxing. But I hadn't read enough of the Fa teachings to realize this. I tried to reason with my husband, but it was no use. From studying the Fa, I realized that I probably did bad things to him in our previous life, and that I owed him. After I understood this I felt a wave of compassion for my husband. I didn't hate him anymore. But watching him go further down, I felt sad. I knew that he was creating a lot of karma, and that only Master and Dafa could help him.
I tried to convince him to cultivate. When I tried to be nice to him, he cursed me out and yelled, “Don't be fake!” I felt that I was being wronged. After I was able to look inward, I realized that a lot of my behavior deviated from the Fa. Although it was not wrong for me to want him to cultivate, I realized that my approach must be wrong. I examined myself to see how I could do better.
One day, I read Master's teaching:
“In the past, in whatever we were doing you would think: "How can I study the Fa well? How should I work for Dafa? How can I improve myself? How can I do better?" You always felt that you were learning Dafa, rather than that you were a part of Dafa. After this year I find that you’ve completely changed. You no longer think as you used to. No matter what you do for Dafa and no matter what it is you’re doing, you are placing yourselves in Dafa instead of thinking about "I want to do something for Dafa" or "I want to improve myself in this way or that way" as you did before.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Great Lakes Fa Conference in North America”, Guiding the Voyage)
Master's words helped me find a solution. I realized that I should unconditionally assimilate myself to the Fa. I realized that my husband was rejecting my kindness because it was conditional. I had a pursuit—I wanted him to change. So, even though on the surface I was being nice to him, I was being kind because I had strong attachments.
After I realized this, I stopped paying attention to how he behaved. I knew that it was my responsibility to behave like a practitioner and measure everything I said and did with the standards of the Fa.
When I improved and did what I should do, my husband changed. Actually, he started to practice, and he has been a diligent practitioner.
Category: Improving Oneself
