(Minghui.org) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
In a recent call to the Chinese police to clarify the facts about Falun Gong, I identified my stubborn attachments to fighting and retaliation. I was actually somewhat aware of these attachments before during conflicts with my husband, but I couldn't let them go at the time due to my own selfishness.
Below, I would like to share my recent experiences and my understanding from a Fa's perspective.
One time I made a phone call to a police station in China, hoping to save the officers there. My heart was very pure. When a policeman cursed me, I was able to tolerate him and be compassionate towards him. However, when he provoked me, my fighting mentality and retaliation surfaced.
At the very beginning, he questioned me.
“Didn't you say that you were not going to call us back again? Why don't you honor your promise?” he asked.
That meant that many practitioners have called him before.
“Do you know why we keep calling you?” I asked.
He grew impatient.
“We know. Just stop calling back!”
I didn't give up and kept on calling him. At first he just told me not to call back again, but later on he started cursing me and said he didn't participate in persecuting Falun Gong practitioners at all. He said it's nothing related to him.
I was very resolute.
“We will not stop calling you until the persecution stops!”
He became extremely irritated.
“All right! Go ahead! I will go to arrest your fellow Falun Gong practitioners right now. That old woman (he said the practitioner's name) is my first target.”
I thought, “Your name has been put on the list for international attention. How dare you say that?! I'll record your wild words and expose this recording.”
I repeated his name loudly while recording his words about going to arrest the practitioner.
“It's against the law to persecute Falun Gong practitioners! Debts will soon be settled both domestically and internationally!” I said.
He hung up the phone.
At that moment, I had mixed feelings. On one hand, I hated him because he was going to persecute fellow practitioners. On the other hand, I hated myself because I didn't persuade him to be kind; instead, I provoked him.
How I wished other practitioners could stop him and save him! As I was thinking of this, a practitioner from America called me about that specific police officer.
She confirmed his name with me, then told me that several practitioners had called him before, and he had promised not to be involved in the persecution.
I was dumbfounded.
“What? He said just now that he was going to arrest someone.”
The practitioner told me calmly that some people had to be dealt with firmly, while others were easily persuaded to accept the truth.
That made me aware that it was my argumentativeness that had awakened that policeman's evil elements. If he went on to persecute practitioners because of me, I would've committed a huge crime! I would not only hurt fellow practitioners but also him!
I was very upset and very sorry, so I asked the practitioner in America if she would call that policeman.
“It's fine," she said. "Don't feel bad. Just call him back and explain things to him. Sometimes it's not a big deal. It's all right as long as people can be saved.”
I knew that she wanted me to face my own problems and improve myself. I calmed down and identified my fighting mentality, my attachment to vengeance, and my reliance on others. I also found that I was irresponsible and always wanted to take risks.
I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate these negative factors and asked Master to strengthen my righteous thoughts.
I called the policeman again. He was not happy to hear it was me.
“Why do you keep calling?” he asked.
I kept my voice even.
“How are you? I'm really sorry for what I said just now. I apologize!
“Those who participate in the persecution will be brought to justice,” I continued. “If you continue to be involved, you will become their scapegoat. I am really worried about you...”
When I changed my tone, he changed his as well. We chatted for more than ten minutes. He told me that he had tried his best to avoid persecution orders. He also told me he had read Zhuan Falun over two decades ago and hoped that the government would correct its policy on Falun Gong.
I told him that it was not enough just to avoid participating in the persecution and protect Falun Gong practitioners, that it was urgent to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations. I also encouraged him to call the WOIPFG (World Organization to Investigate the Persecution of Falun Gong) and expose the CCP's evildoing.
He said he knew about it and promised to tell his family, friends, and colleagues the facts about Falun Gong. A life was saved! I felt very happy for him.
Master said,
“If when you find the real reasons within yourself you dare to face and recognize them, you will find that the matter instantly changes and the problem disappears. Suddenly, for no known reason, it will seem that no friction or matters have ever happened between you and the other person. This is because for a cultivator there’s no such thing as coincidence, and no accidental occurrence is allowed to disrupt the course of your cultivation.” (from Lecture at the First Conference in North America)
This experience made me realize that cultivation is very serious and it's really important for practitioners to help each other. I also realized the type of joy that Master describes in Zhuan Falun:
“We say that when you take a step back in a conflict, you will find the seas and the skies boundless, and it will certainly be a different situation.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
If I had only listened to the police officer attentively at the very start of our conversation or talked to him calmly instead of pushing him, it would have been impossible for me to irritate him.
If that practitioner from America didn't tell me immediately when she found that I was not in line with the Fa's requirements, I would have made a big mess and committed grave wrongdoings.
If I made a mistake but was unaware of it or didn't take it seriously, I would not have improved in cultivation as Master expects; on the contrary, I would have regressed.
If I followed my wrong thoughts and didn't correct them, would I have been cultivating? Would I have been saving people or validating the Fa? Would I have been validating the Fa or undermining the Fa? I identified my extreme selfishness, which had always been an obstacle on my path of cultivation.
I started practicing Falun Dafa when I hit a bottleneck in my life.
My husband was always a xinxing test that I was not able to pass. He once broke my computer and cell phone. Another time, he dropped and broke Master's photo. I asked Master for help at the time, because I was feeling so helpless. I also dreamed of life without my husband.
Actually, my husband was very nice to me most of the time. Whenever he was mad at me, it was because I was cold to him first. He had a bit of a sharp tongue and would argue with me, which only caused things to escalate when I fought back.
After I started to practice Falun Dafa, I no longer fought back as before, but I defended myself occasionally to protest my innocence. In reality, it was because my selfishness was provoked. My mentality to fight made it impossible for me to smile in a conflict. Every quarrel ended badly.
I forgave myself, telling myself that I was a new practitioner, that the old forces were controlling me tightly because I was capable. As a result, I didn't create a good cultivation environment for myself, my cultivation state was not good, and I had constant interference at home.
It was not until this specific conversation with that police officer that I realized my problems. Though I was aware of my mentality to fight and retaliate, I didn't get rid of it because I didn't identify its root: selfishness. I didn't want to let it go and always protected my own interests and feelings. I had never taken my husband and child as sentient beings who were also waiting to be saved.
Master said,
“Compassion can harmonize Heaven and Earth, ushering in springRighteous thoughts can save the people in this world ”("The Fa Rectifies the Cosmos," Hong Yin II)
I asked myself, “What is compassion?”
I treated him with compassion when he treated me nicely, but I treated him without compassion when he offended me. That is not true compassion, nor is it powerful enough to save people. It's far from the level needed to achieve consummation. Our attachments might make people lose opportunities to be saved or lead us astray.
Now I know why Master had arranged for me to have such a husband and family. They are there for me to get rid of my attachments. However, I had missed the chance time and again. Master is compassionate and made me realize my problems while I told people the facts about Falun Dafa. Holding onto these attachments is really a dangerous thing.
When I calmed down and studied the Fa again, I found that Master had told us all the Fa principles, all the possible difficulties we might encounter, as well as their solutions. However, I couldn't understand them, so I had never realized this one thing: any attachment is a test on our path of cultivation that keeps us from achieving consummation.
Perhaps the only way for me to seriously eliminate them is through learning the hard way.
After I identified my problems and let go of the mentality to fight and retaliate, my husband began to give me a hard time. I didn't fight back or ignore him like I did before.
I told him, “If I didn't practice Falun Gong, it would have been impossible for me to live with you until today. If I've made you feel uncomfortable, it's because I was not doing well. It's not a problem with Dafa. Over 100 million people from all over the world have benefited from Falun Dafa. You know, practitioners in China believe in Falun Dafa unconditionally, even in the face of their organs being removed. So you will never change me. I would never give up Falun Dafa!”
I told him the story about Shakyamuni's cultivation experience. I also expressed my thanks to him, hoping that he could support Dafa.
He responded, “Just stick with your cultivation. If I had enough money, I would donate a building to you Falun Gong practitioners so that you do not need to borrow any place for Fa study.”
From this experience, I became deeply aware that our family members are targets for truth-clarification. However, it is not an easy task if we do not have pure hearts and Master's help.
I warned myself: study the Fa with a tranquil heart and tell people the facts about Falun Dafa with your heart! Since the goal of cultivation is to achieve consummation, why not take this opportunity to cultivate diligently?