(Minghui.org) Three practitioners recently came to my home to share experiences. They talked mostly about me and my pushy ways. One of them said that during group reading, every time I corrected her errors, she felt like her heart missed a beat.
It is true that I rarely make a mistake when reading aloud, and I tend to catch others’ errors and immediately correct them. So I did not defend myself. But I had hurt others, and their venting was not coincidental. I held my tongue even though some of their statements were problematic and not completely accurate. I resisted the urge to argue.
I looked inside. At first, I felt lost about what to do during the next group study, because on the surface, I did not do anything wrong by pointing out others' errors during Fa-reading. I asked myself, “What should I improve upon?” Master's Fa appeared in my mind:
“Those who come out of the evil Party’s country are highly self-protective, and they have a strong desire to air their opinions on certain matters, whereas people outside China aren’t like that.” (“Fa Teaching on World Falun Dafa Day”)
I found it – my “strong desire to air their opinions on certain matters.”
Among everyday people, I am a serious thinker, have a mind of my own, and can always justify my actions. I also tend to be opinionated. In Fa study, I always offer my opinions during experience sharing. I like to hit the nail on the head, and often use assertive words.
For example, a practitioner once shared her experiences about her mother-in-law and sister-in-law. When she finished, I asked her, “Did you realize what attachment you have behind your words?” She said no.
I said, “Jealousy.”
She was surprised, and asked, “Is it serious?”
“One needs to use a magnifying glass to look inside,” I said. “Only by doing that can they see the attachment and remove it cleanly.”
How could I look for others' attachments using a magnifying glass?
A practitioner once told me that she often thought of me when she wanted to have someone to talk with, but she was afraid that I would pressure her. Are the “pressure” and “pushiness” mentioned, manifestations of the evil Communist Party culture in me?
In lectures, Master often expresses hope that the Dafa disciples who leave China will turn around their thinking and shed Party culture as soon as possible. It is my understanding that those of us who are still in China should pay even closer attention to our problems and proactively eliminate our notions and ways of thinking that result from the evil Party culture.
I have attended Master's lectures in person. Master's tone, kindness, and enormous compassion played back in my mind. Thinking of the harm I have inflicted on my fellow practitioners, tears filled my eyes.
I needed to address my issues and change myself. During the next group study, I bit my lip the entire time to keep myself silent. When an error was made by someone during the Fa-reading, I did not say anything, but someone else did, including those who never spoke up before.
When we finished the lecture, everyone closed their books, and someone said, “The field is so peaceful today.” I had changed, and I felt others had changed too. In the experience sharing that followed, I again bit my lip and held my tongue. I was asked three times, “Do you have anything to share?” I quietly replied, “No, not today.”
A fellow practitioner asked, “Why didn't you speak today?”
I said, “I did not feel the need this time. Everyone is doing so well, and I just wanted to listen.” As I spoke these words, I could feel the peacefulness in my heart.
Through this experience, I felt that much of my attachment to “wanting to air my opinions” had been removed. I felt my voice becoming calmer. One practitioner said, “You have changed. In the past, you would often speak up, saying, 'It's not like that', but you're not like that now.” If she had not told me this, I would not have realized that I had been unknowingly putting down others and asserting myself to such a degree.
I sincerely thank my fellow practitioners for their candor. Master has said,
“A cultivator will always be cultivating oneself, and any tiny change in the human heart is an improvement, which all Gods are able to see.” (“A Congratulatory Message to the European Fa Conference”)
We should cherish every opportunity to remove human attachments and genuinely change ourselves, even if it's something that seems small. Let's remove human attachments, assimilate to Dafa, take every step solidly, and walk our path to godhood well while assisting Master in Fa-rectification.
This concludes my understandings. Please kindly point out anything improper.
Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!
Category: Improving Oneself
