(Minghui.org) For a long time, my mother, who is also a Falun Dafa practitioner, and I were at odds with each other. I closely watched everything she did, and constantly picked on and reprimanded her. I thought that she still had many attachments, so I demanded that she look within. I even accused her of lacking the ability to cultivate. We constantly argued and thus couldn't cooperate when clarifying the facts about Falun Dafa. We quarreled over small things and wasted a lot of time.

I always claimed that my pointing out her attachments was for her benefit and would help her raise her cultivation level. I insisted that we should point out fellow practitioners' attachments and help them improve. I thought I was helping her, but just the opposite happened.

In the past, I had also looked for my own attachments and asked myself if I was too attached to the attachments of others. By exposing them I thought I could possibly abandon my attachments as well. I was still mired in sentimentality and my words were not compassionate and well-intentioned. I just couldn't tolerate others' mistakes. I was holding on to many notions, and I accused my mother of not acting from within the Fa, and not giving up her notions.

Then, one day I began to carefully look within and finally discovered my big attachment. I wasn't negating the old forces. Actually, I was afraid of the old forces, and they were controlling my thoughts and ideas. On the surface, I tried to help my mother by pointing out her attachments, but I had covered up my hidden motives. I feared that she wasn't cultivating well and would be persecuted by the old forces. This fear of being persecuted was my deepest attachment and governed everything I said and did.

For example, I believed that I had eliminated attachments, so the old forces couldn't use them to persecute me. But I found myself very uneasy when I clarified the truth about Falun Dafa. I even greatly feared being persecuted. I sometimes didn't dare to go out and clarify the facts about Falun Dafa, as I worried that I hadn't been diligent enough lately and would be targeted for persecution. Therefore, I was passive in my cultivation and truth-clarification efforts. I wasn't upright and optimistic, and lacked initiative. Not only did I cultivate passively, I also forced these incorrect ideas on my mother. I attacked her with notions that were not in accordance with the Fa. This happened because I didn't completely negate the old forces. I was not on the cultivation path arranged by Teacher, which requires practitioners to negate the old forces and save sentient beings. I was actually walking on a path that constantly tried to avoid being persecuted. My mind was not filled with thoughts that were on the Fa, and I thus didn't act according to the Dafa standards. I was instead constantly searching for ways that would prevent the old forces from persecuting me. Wasn't this acknowledging the old forces and thus being controlled by them?

Removing attachments and human notions is essential on our cultivation paths, and our mission to save people isn't simply avoiding persecution. The old forces, lives of the old cosmos, should be eliminated. How could every thought of mine be connected to the old forces? Was my reason for learning Falun Dafa to escape being persecuted by the old forces? This also reflected my selfishness. It is similar to a person not driving after drinking because he or she might be caught by police, fined, or detained, instead of being responsible for oneself and the lives of others. That reasoning could be applied to my way of thinking. I strived to do well out of fear of being persecuted by the old forces, instead of doing well based on the universal truth, and practicing Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.

I had deviated from the Fa. I still have selfishness, which is a standard of the old cosmos, and I haven't met Dafa's standard of considering others first and sacrificing everything for the universal truth.

For practitioners, there is no fear factor, which is a deviated notion belonging to the old cosmos. Teacher has given us the glory because we aren't supposed to be selfish, but consider others first. I must learn my lesson, truly negate the old forces, eliminate this fear of being persecuted, and walk on the path arranged by Teacher.

Please kindly point out any deviation from the Fa.