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The Attachment to Wanting Approval and Being Afraid of Others' Misunderstanding

December 03, 2010 |  

(Clearwisdom.net)

The attachment to wanting approval and being afraid of others' misunderstanding both originate from the attachment to fame. These two attachments are also related to the attachments to showing off, elation, vanity, and the desire to validate oneself.

The attachment to wanting approval is an attachment to pursuing fame and reputation. The behavior, in reality, will be one of doing things according to whatever you and others are fond of, particularly doing it in order to get others' approval. It comes from a desire to be acknowledged and praised by others. From a cultivation standpoint, there is virtue and karma in any relationship, and no matter how perfectly someone arranges or accomplishes something, it will not be appreciated by all. If we crave others' approval, we will find life to be bitter and tiring, and can easily develop resentment as a result of it.

The result of this attachment is that, whatever we have done for Fa rectification, we subconsciously want others' approval and praise and become afraid that others won't know what we have accomplished. It is difficult for people like this to cultivate their speech or to keep a secret, and creates loopholes in security. If someone is doing a Fa rectification project alone for long time, he or she can easily develop a feeling of loneliness or even hopelessness.

Being afraid of others' misunderstanding is a passive way of pursuing fame and a disguised form of wanting approval. It is mixed with the attachment to fear and inferiority. Why is one afraid of misunderstanding? One reason might be a lack of self-confidence and uncertainty about a particular issue. Those could be things that contribute to the attachment becoming stronger.

With the attachment to being afraid of others' misunderstanding, we may become extremely cautious and meticulous, causing great difficulty in initiating anything. It leads us to become unable to completely let go of self and unable to rectify the Fa in a dignified and upright matter. When misunderstandings do occur, the person is likely to explain at length to alleviate those misunderstandings, even with things that should not be mentioned for security reasons. Cultivators all know the need to cultivate speech, but attachments can make it hard to do it well.

These attachments can easily cause distrust among fellow practitioners and create distance and gaps between practitioners. Even though it may seem like there is no conflict on the surface, there is a big barrier between their hearts. This barrier will separate them, undermining the group's effectiveness and strength.

When we validate the Fa with these attachments, we are not validating the Fa, but validating self, so it is critically important to eliminate the attachment to fame.