(Clearwisdom.net)
Greetings Respectable Master!
Greetings Fellow Practitioners!
In my 12 years of cultivation I had met with many difficulties. My experiences were not as moving as some fellow practitioners' experiences. I did not experience an unforgettable painful tribulation of life and death. My cultivation experience did not seem to be very different from an ordinary life.
From the day I started practicing Falun Gong until July 20, 1999, in those four years my heart/mind was full of joy everyday. I got up at about four o'clock in the morning on a daily basis and persistently went to the group practice - during the hot summer to the cold winter, ignoring the biting mosquitoes. No matter if it rained or was windy, I attended even when I was the only one there. I read the Fa and memorized the Fa and filled my mind with Dafa and raised my level daily. Although I still had many attachments and ordinary people's mentalities, Dafa had rooted in my heart. I firmly followed Master, and nothing could ever move my determination of respecting Master and Dafa. This had laid a solid foundation for my later cultivation during the Fa-rectification period. My personal cultivation period was smooth, and I was diligent.
I was able to stagger along during the Fa-rectification period, although I had been arrested for appealing for Falun Gong. 610 Office agents had also subjected me to brainwashing sessions. I was very fortunate overall. Nevertheless, due to fear and other things, I made frequent mistakes during Fa-rectification cultivation. Some things happened which should not have happened, but each time Master intervened for me. Master expends enormous efforts on our behalf. I want to write some of my cultivation experiences, to share with fellow practitioners. I am asking fellow practitioners to point out my errors.
Being Clear about Fa Principles and Holding Righteous Thoughts Enable us to Follow the Path Master has Arranged
The First International Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference was held on 11/2/1996 at the Temple of Earth, Beijing. The night before the conference I had a dream I would never forget. Many various small, white flowers appeared everywhere in the blue sky. These wonderful flowers composed themselves into various patterns. They were at first lined up in rows, and then they arranged themselves into circular, diamond, square and rectangular- shaped patterns ... extremely attractive. The marvelous flowers changed their patterns and increased in numbers. They covered the entire sky, and everything was so peaceful and harmonious.
Suddenly, black things appeared, moving toward the flowers. The black images covered the wonderful flower patterns and turned everything dark. The black images were getting more and more numerous and merged into one big piece, rapidly spreading in the sky, and finally the blue sky was totally black. No flower was left! I suddenly got nervous; what was happening? I thought hard but could not get an answer, not in the dream or after I woke up.
I told my dream to the four of us practitioners in the taxi on my way to the conference. No one could figure out what it was about. Several years have passed, and I still clearly remember the dream and I still do not understand it.
Following July 20, 1999, evil influences were overwhelming, and it was like that the sky was falling. I felt lost and helpless. What should I do? I firmly believed in Dafa and Master and I firmly believed that there is nothing wrong about practicing Truthfulness-Benevolence-Tolerance, and cultivation is not wrong. I knelt before Master's picture with tears streaming down my face, "Master, I really cannot not figure out what is going on but know that there is nothing wrong with cultivation. Cultivation has existed since ancient times. I will follow Master and cultivate to the conclusion." Only then came I to understand the dream.
I kept maintaining a clear mind, "I am a true cultivator, a true practitioner of Falun Gong. Only a true practitioner knows what Dafa is, what we are doing, and only a true practitioner has the most right to speak. All others do not count. The TV and newspapers are fabricating rumors."
My relatives, friends, the management at my work place, classmates and colleagues could not understand me, "You are really silly. You are deceived. Your mind has been deeply poisoned. There must be something wrong with your head!You must have mental problems. Why don't you walk your way straight? Do you know how to turn directions?" I was clear minded, "It is them whose minds are deeply poisoned and don't know the truth."
They thought they were doing me a favor and s took turns to talk to me, to hold meetings to "help me." I also explained the truth to them with my personal experiences, using examples that conform to ordinary people's levels; all the lies collapsed on their own. I did not argue with any one and kept reciting quietly in my mind, "Falun Data is the righteous Fa; Truthfulness-Benevolence-Tolerance are great." I recited in public areas, while walking, and said this to the tree and flowers. With my firm belief and the foundation I had laid during the personal cultivation period, I overcame one barrier after another, including resisting the fake scripts.
During the onset of the persecution the lies we were bombarded with confused me once. I thought,"Is going to Zhongnanhai and to a TV station considered 'participating in politics'?" But I quickly rejected that thought. What is politics? Dafa has created everything! Everything is used for Dafa, and everything is within Fa-rectification. "Participating in politics" is a CCP notion. Despite the pressure and persecution, I read and memorized Zhuan Falun and Master's lectures. Tears frequently ran down my face. The Dafa of the universe is enormous. Master taught us such an enormous Fa. When I melt into the Fa, I immediately felt happiness and was energized. When I read the article by the Minghui Editors, "Our Compassionate and Venerable Master" I learned that all our Master has endured for us and spent His energy on, is beyond measure, for the sake of Fa-rectification and for all the living beings in the universe. I burst into tears and could not calm down for a long time. I often called out in my mind, "Master, your disciple is thinking of you. Master's graciousness is boundless and powerful! I will diligently do the three things well so that Master would worry less about us."
Ever since I was small I was easily frightened. Offering people salvation and persuading people to withdraw from the CCP and its affiliated organizations is part of my cultivation, and meant to remove my incorrect notions. It is easy for me to explain to people the beauty of Dafa, to validate Dafa and to expose the persecution, and I like to do it. But it became difficult for me when it came to urging people to see the wicked CCP for what it is, and about withdrawing from the CCP. I always worried that other people may not understand me and might refuse to accept my advice.
I went to a colleague's home to talk about withdrawing from the CCP and its affiliated organizations. I knew that his impression of the CCP had always been poor, and it should be easy to persuade him. However, as soon as I finished making the first comment he asked me, "Tell me first, have you withdrawn from the CCP?" I did not answer him directly, only told him, "I do not have this problem. When the CCP started to persecute Falun Gong they said that CCP members are not allowed to practice Falun Gong. Since then I have stopped being a CCP member." He said again, "The Nine Commentaries... is very good, but I do not believe the numbers given in the Epoch Times. Moreover, I have asked around [and learned] that nobody has withdrawn from the CCP." I kept explaining to him and told him that people who had already withdrawn would not tell you. People are defensive and cautious in China's environment. This person is a reputable figure among the ordinary people. He correctly positioned himself and many times, and when I told the truth in public he had helped me.
There was another person. We talked much when I went to her home the first time and had left some material for her to read. In the evening she suddenly called me, "What material have you given me? I burnt them all. How can you do this kind of thing? You are a Party member, and you should read the Party Constitution well." Her voice was trembling, and she was really frightened. I interrupted her and said, "You can wait now until I come to see you tomorrow." That instant I became afraid. I worried that she might do something unreasonable and might report me. I worried a lot. The next day I chatted with her for a long time. I explained truth to her many times. I calmed down, and she also stopped being so afraid. Now she and her husband have withdrawn from the CCP. My initial mindset, worrying she might not accept what I had to say, blocked her. As long as our minds are calm and our righteous thought are strong, unhindered by any ordinary notions, we are able to do things smoothly.
There were also people who did not have any hopes for the CCP and also agreed to withdraw from the CCP. But when they learned that their withdrawing would be published on the Web site they immediately reneged. The Party culture has deeply poisoned the minds of mainland people. This made me feel that all living beings have suffered much. Their thoughts are restrained, but they are still unaware of it. I felt telling the truth and to offer sentient beings salvation is an extremely subtle and arduous duty.
I also felt that whether people would agree with Dafa and Dafa practitioners, and whether they accept our words is directly related to our cultivation condition. and to our every thought and deed.
Divine Thoughts Can Move the Firmament
I had begun sending righteous thoughts prior to the Minghui website announcing the synchronized, global sending of righteous thoughts. I remember it was the time when people were discussing Jiang Zemin's leg gangrene. I put this information on many small paper strips and gave them to many people, hoping that the people who saw the paper strip would mentally tell themselves, "Jiang is done; Eliminate Jiang Zemin immediately" I thought if everyone would think like that it would actually destroy Jiang Zemin. I do not know how many people had done that, but I have since then daily sent this mental message.
In May 2001, Minghui published, "Sending forth Righteous Thoughts." I understood that this is unprecedented; is the most splendid and the most benevolent thing that vibrates the whole universe. Whether we can feel it or not, we must do it well. Master told us,
"Actually, every Dafa disciple has abilities. It's just that the abilities do not manifest in the surface dimension, so they think that they don't have supernormal abilities. But regardless of whether they can manifest in the surface dimension or not, when a person's True Thoughts come forth they are very powerful." ("Dafa Disciples' Righteous Thoughts are Powerful," Essentials for Further Advancement II)(Official quote)
We must unconditionally do well what Master taught us. Moreover, I had previously thought we should do it, but I just did not know how. I paid great attention to sending righteous thoughts. Initially I felt nothing special, just physically weak and very tired. I was very tired at the end of each day and could not gather my energy. Discussing this with fellow practitioners I realized we were emitting our energy to eliminating the evils, and we felt tired because we did not in a timely manner make up for the energy. I then started reading the Fa and doing the exercise more diligently.
Since obtaining the priceless treasure of sending righteous thoughts, I paid great effort to send them well; to combine my power with the power of all the practitioners in the world, to form an indestructible whole body, and to eliminate all the evil that interferes with the Fa rectification. I joined every synchronized global sending of righteous thoughts. I also sent righteous thought at other times, usually ten times daily, but no less than seven to eight times a day. During those a few days when we decided to send forth righteous thoughts intensively, I would send righteous thoughts for 20-30 minutes each time. It was probably because that I wanted to do so, Master helped me all the times. No matter I was at work or at home, I could always sit in lotus position, calm my mind and send righteous thoughts without missing one time. Each time I came home from work, as soon as I got in the room I dropped my bag, took off my shoes and closed the door and started sending righteous thoughts right away. I did this at noon and in the evening.
Regarding the sending of righteous thoughts - having struggled for dozens of year with emotions, profit and desire for recognition among the ordinary people, my thoughts harbored many bad and dirty things. Due to interference from these bad things and from thought karma, I could not calm my mind, especially at the beginning. I realized that I must eliminate these elements that interfere with my sending righteous thoughts, and only with a pure mind I could then send powerful righteous thoughts. I decided to send more righteous thoughts and to spend ten minutes or longer to clean my own space, so that I could be truly dissolved into the Fa. In the process of sending righteous thoughts, the first time I did this, my whole body vibrated, and it seemed that my whole space was vibrating. My whole body felt a rumbling and dashing upward. I felt my body become huge. The feeling is difficult to describe, and my mind was immediate serene. I had never had that kind comfort before.
Whenever I sit down to send righteous thoughts, my whole body would vibrate, as if vibrating like a huge amount of energy filling every one of my cells. My whole body would feel as if being packed inside a ball of energy, and it would turn warm. This has happened for about two years now. Sometimes before starting, when I send righteous thoughts at midnight I would extremely very sleepy, but when the energy comes all my sleepiness would disappear and I would feel energetic. My thoughts that moment would be clear, as if I were sitting in a very high dimension. Tears would always fall when I sent righteous thoughts.
I have been through many tribulations regarding sending righteous thoughts. At first it was the conflicts within myself. I couldn't calm myself, and my thoughts wandered. When that happened, I would tell myself, and every part of my body, "I am always going to be part of Dafa, and I will follow Master to the end. We must have such a strong predestined relation to have become one body. I want all beings to have a good future. Perhaps I had hurt you in the past one way or another. Now I am aware of it, so please let's compassionately resolve this. When I have achieved what is to be achieved in cultivation, I will help and make up for what was done in the past. If I still couldn't do it, then Master will help me. If you still want to interfere with me, then even if minute bad things tried to interfere, they would be powerless because I am in Dafa! Dafa would forbid any unqualified particles to interfere."
My family's interference: two incidents happened when it was time to send righteous thoughts and I was cooking. My husband wasn't too happy about this initially. I patiently explained things to him, and I tried to help out more around the house. Afterwards he understood and always reminded me whenever it was time to send righteous thoughts.
The evil forces' interference: whenever I hold my hand vertically upright for too long my elbow would start to ache. Even my wrist would ache, and holding my legs in the full lotus position hurt. It was really bothering me. Whenever I have my legs in a half lotus position I would feel annoyed. My legs still ached when I send righteous thoughts while sitting in the semi-lotus position. At night my legs would feel tired and sore, as if I had carried a mountain. I need to sleep sideways while holding both legs folded in front of my chest. My breathing came out in short gasps, wishing that I could inhale and exhale for a longer time. My neck and throat felt constricted, like something was lodged inside. It even felt hard. I couldn't do anything about it. When we had to send righteous at the pre-arranged times my sleep was disturbed. I always felt sick and faint. Each time of sending righteous thoughts required a long time to recover.
I tried to look for the reason. Was it because I did not have enough energy? Was it because I was too competitive and was not serene? Or was it because I was saying the formula with too much force? Similar thoughts entered my mind. I didn't know what the cause was, but I knew it was interference from the evil forces. I discovered later that I was searching externally for internal interference within my sending righteous thoughts.
My family members then told me, "Why do you send righteous thoughts with your brows all wrinkled?" It was then that I realized that I was too hostile, pointing my fingers at the evil forces too much. Sometimes I would send righteous thoughts with my teeth clenched. It was as if I were in a battle. I had hatred when eliminating all the evil forces. My thoughts did not contain any compassion in it.
A compassionate and pure righteous thought is an extremely powerful one. It will eliminate a lot of the evil forces. I calmed myself and thought, "Any and all interference should be eliminated." When I crossed my legs in the full lotus position and it hurt, then I would do the half lotus position, or not do it. When holding my hand vertically upright, even when my shoulders, wrists, and arms would ache and my throat and neck felt constricted, I would continue on. It went like this for a while, but I kept to it steadily and was never idle. After a short time I passed this tribulation. My thinking was clear again, my hands didn't change shape, there was a lot of energy, and my whole body felt comfortable. Now that I think about it - I realize it takes strong, steady righteous thoughts to raise one's level.
Since 2001, five years before I arrived in the U.S., my righteous thoughts came as I wished. No matter what kind of situation I was in, I was always afraid. But my righteous thoughts helped me overcome each tribulation. Master was always by my side, protecting me, telling me my wrongs, and helping me through each of my tribulations until they disappeared.
While still in China, I experienced a " 610 Office" brainwashing class, but Master has helped me make the mistreatment very small. Here is what happened. When my boss was telling me one morning, "You will have to go to the class," I wasn't worried at all. Even I myself couldn't understand why I could be so relaxed when I was about to go to a brainwashing class. My boss told me what happened afterwards. All of my coworkers tried very hard to protect me. Of course, I know it was Master that always protects me.
If an ordinary person wants to cultivate to become a god, it's his steady mindset that matters. Because I was strong in my righteous thoughts and put all my trust in Master and Dafa, Master has helped me to experience small tribulations [instead of huge ones]. . Following Master's arrangements, and with the help from practitioners in the U.S.A. I got rid of the evildoers' monitoring and arrived in the free world in 2006.
Let Us Work with Each Other and Strive Forward Together
Cultivation is very serious. Cultivation during the Fa-Rectification period is unprecedented in history and extremely glorious. Besides, we have the great mission of saving sentient beings. The requirements for Dafa practitioners are very high. We must study the Fa well together, look into ourselves, be firm in our righteous thoughts, and eliminate evil habits. Then we can steadily walk together along the right way and save more sentient beings.
When I lived in China, I was very touched by reading reports on the Internet about the splendid things done by overseas practitioners. After I came to the USA, I saw that many fellow practitioners have quietly and steadily put all their efforts into Fa-validating projects. In order to alleviate the pressure on practitioners in China and completely end this evil persecution, everyone is consciously and actively playing their role in all kinds of projects to save sentient beings. I have seen my own shortcomings within this great and indestructible whole body. I have unconsciously started to have attachments to ease in this free environment. My righteous thoughts have not been as strong as before, the sending times for sending forth righteous thoughts are fewer, and I have neglected studying the Fa in a calm mood. I feel a sense of drifting. Sometimes I feel sad. I continuously remind myself in my heart: Everything is coming for the Fa; the only way we can go is to strive forward and recognize this Fa as the greatest.
I have been seriously poisoned by the party culture. I did not notice this when I stayed in China. Back then, when I sent forth righteous thoughts, I added the thought of eliminating the party culture. After I came overseas, I truly realized that the poison from the party culture is deep-rooted in me. I could see that my feelings, my tone and even my expression have all reflected the party culture. Not to mention other aspects. It is very ugly.
In "Be Rational, Awaken" (Hongyin II), Teacher said,
"Rest momentarily for self-reflection, add righteous thoughts
Analyze shortcomings explicitly, advance again wholeheartedly."
I have seen my deficiencies relative to overseas practitioners. I am making efforts to reduce this distance and to make our whole body harmonious and indestructible.
When we get lost, when we are sluggish, or when we feel numb, graceful Master is standing next to us and anxiously waiting for us, continuously reminding us, and raising us up high again as soon as we wake up.
Fellow practitioners, let us hold up our heads, remember well Master's teachings, do the three things well, don't live by sentient beings' expectations, and alleviate a bit of our Master's burden.
Please point out any incorrectness with compassion.
