(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Dafa in July 1998 when I was sick and looking for a cure. After one year of Fa study and doing the exercises, I realized that Dafa does not treat illnesses for ordinary people. Dafa helps people practice cultivation. Dafa is the law of the universe and can transform cultivators into Buddhas, Daos and Gods, and help them return to their heavenly homes.
Jiang Zemin's regime and the Communist Party started attacking and slandering Master and Dafa on July 20, 1999, and persecuted Dafa practitioners. Some practitioners and I went to the provincial government to appeal for justice for Dafa. We refused to renounce our beliefs on a Party Committee registration form. As a result, the police constantly harassed us at our homes and pressured my superiors at work to make me write a guarantee statement promising to give up Dafa. They threatened to fire me if I disobeyed their orders. I told my superiors, "I can lose my job but I cannot lose Dafa." I wrote "practicing Dafa with rock-solid determination" on the papers and signed my name.
When the police told me to hand in my Dafa books, however, I was afraid and gave them several books. I thought that I could slide past the tribulation. It turned out to be a grave mistake.
I cooperated with the evildoers and handed in the books. At first I did not realize that I had gone against Dafa. I suffered a relapse of rheumatoid arthritis in November 1999. Because I did not study the Fa well enough and did not have a good understanding of the Fa principles, I could not identify my problems and I simply said, "This is not an illness. I'm eliminating karma." In fact, I could not let go of it, as the pain and fever grew increasingly worse. There was not a single part of my body that did not ache. Eventually I could not study the Fa or do the exercises. I could not take care of myself. My family believed the Party's propaganda and vehemently opposed my belief in Dafa. I was acting like an ordinary person at the time--how could an ordinary person not get sick?
I was hospitalized for 40 days, during which time the doctors tried to give me pills and injections. However, the needles would not penetrate my skin, and I threw up every single pill. My weight dropped from 165 lbs. to 100 lbs. and I ran a high fever for seven days, as the anti-fever medication did not help.
One day I heard a voice while I was semi-conscious, "If you believe, believe until the end!" When I woke up, I thought, "I must practice Falun Gong. I must leave this hospital." I left the hospital and went to my mother's home. I could not eat anything and could only drink milk through a straw while lying in bed. While studying the Fa, I was too weak to hold the book, so I put the book down and read one page at a time. Tears streamed down my face as I looked at Master's picture. I said, "Master, I'm not afraid of death, but I don't want to go now because I haven't witnessed the Consummation of all Dafa practitioners." Master's picture glowed, and I felt that he was encouraging me.
I was able to get in touch with some practitioners who brought Master's articles to me. It was July 2000. I took a great detour, but I eventually returned to Dafa. After reading Master's articles "The Knowing Heart" and "Toward Consummation" I realized that I'm a Dafa disciple. I must validate the Fa, expose the evil lies, explain the facts and save sentient beings. A Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple must fulfill these responsibilities.
I started to write one letter a day to friends to tell them the facts about Falun Gong and I asked my mother to mail them. Later I went out to explain the facts. I had to wear extra large shoes, as my feet were severely swollen. I could not straighten my back, and my body shook like a leaf in the wind. Yet in the evening when I left home to post truth clarification materials, I could climb seven flights of stairs and could walk a long distance to mail letters. Although I did not go to Beijing to appeal, I was determined to hang up a banner carrying the words "Falun Dafa is good" on a hill inside a park. I walked for two hours and successfully hung up the banner.
I gradually recovered, so I decided to return to my own home. I wanted to live and practice Dafa with my husband and son but my husband proposed divorce, because he had taken a lover. We got into an argument when our son was not home. He said, "If you agree to a divorce, you can have custody of our son and I will pay you 500 yuan a month. But you cannot tell our son about it and I will come here twice a month. If not, you can go kill yourself--just jump from this building." I thought, "I'm a Dafa practitioner. Why would I commit suicide?" I was angry, packed up some truth-clarifying materials and walked out. I thought, "I'm not afraid of arrest. It would be better if I did get arrested." These thoughts were not righteous. As a result I tumbled down the stairs and bruised my face. I got up and said in my heart, "Master, I know that I was wrong."
I turned around, went home and studied the Fa with a calm mind. Master said,
"Cultivation is something you do right in the thick of tribulations. They'll test whether you can sever your emotions and desires, and they'll see if you can take them lightly. If you're attached to those things you won't be able to finish your cultivation. Everything has its cause. Why can human beings be human? It's exactly because humans have emotion. People just live for emotion. The affection among family members, the love between a man and woman, love for parents, feelings, friendships, doing things for friendship's sake--no matter where you go you can't get out of emotion. You want to do something, you don't want to do something, you're happy, you're unhappy, you love something, you hate something--everything in society comes completely from emotion. If you don't sever emotion, you won't be able to cultivate. But if you do break out of emotion, nobody can affect you, and ordinary attachments won't be able to sway you. What replaces it is compassion, which is more noble. Of course, it's not easy to sever it all at once. Cultivation is a long process, it's a gradual process to get rid of attachments. But you really have to be disciplined." ("Improving Character" from "The Fourth Talk" of Zhuan Falun)
My heart lightened and I stopped feeling so aggrieved. I have chosen Dafa, and I do not want the attachments of ordinary people. I wrote a letter to my husband's lover. I told her what Falun Dafa is, and I told her that Dafa practitioners are good people who conduct themselves according to Truthfulness, Compassion, Tolerance. I also put in two different truth-clarifying fliers. I signed the divorce agreement that my husband had drafted, and he moved out. Each time he came back, I treated him exactly the same as before. I cooked for him and washed his clothes. I poured warm water for him to wash his feet, and I reminded him to put on more clothes when the weather was bad. I preserved his image as a good father and a good husband. I thought, "I'm a Dafa practitioner and I follow Truthfulness, Compassion and Tolerance. I must be compassionate toward everyone. He is no longer my husband, but he is a sentient being. Besides, everything happens for a reason. I did many things wrong before, so I must be even kinder to him. My words and actions not only represent myself but also reflect the demeanor of Dafa practitioners." I completely let go of sadness and anger.
Over time, my husband came home more and more and eventually moved back home. He treated practitioners very well and knows that practitioners are good people. He has withdrawn from all of the Communist Party's organizations. He said, "Falun Dafa is good. Falun Dafa is a treasure."
Dafa gave me a second life and gave my husband a bright future. During the past few years I worked hard to carry out the three things Master requires of us and played the role of a Dafa particle. I keep in mind that all Dafa practitioners are one body as I assist Master to rectify the Fa, save sentient beings and fulfill my prehistoric vow.
Fellow practitioners, please point out anything inappropriate.
