(Clearwisdom.net)
Recently, I suddenly appeared to have acute sickness symptoms. I was very nervous and scared. Initially I had righteous thoughts because I had learned from past lessons, so I stuck to studying the Fa and doing the exercises, and I eliminated evil with righteous thoughts. However, because my faith in Dafa and Teacher was not solid enough, the evil specters took advantage of that and escalated their persecution. When the pain became more and more severe, I mistakenly took the interference as "illness." I became lost, and developed deviated understandings.
In "Teaching the Fa at the City of Los Angeles" Teacher answered a student's question by saying:
"If someone really doesn't have strong enough righteous thoughts at times and really can't endure something anymore, what should he do? Then go ahead. (Everyone laughs) Yes (Teacher chuckles), go to the hospital then."
My symptoms were so serious, and I couldn't do anything about it, so I thought, based on Teacher's words above, that I should go to the hospital to seek a cure. Without realizing it, I misunderstood Teacher's intent.
Teacher said in Zhuan Falun:
"With too much karma, you will be unable to bear it. If you suffer too much, you will be unable to practice cultivation."
I came to the mis-enlightenment that, since I was in such great pain that I couldn't do the Three Things, I should first go to the hospital to solve this problem, so that I could do the Three Things. What Teacher is actually referring to in that paragraph is that some practitioners heal others' illnesses and, as a result, they end up incurring karma for themselves, and, if they incur too much karma, they can't endure it and will be unable to cultivate any more. Not only did I misunderstand Teacher's words, but also treated the evil persecution as "pain from illness" and relied on a hospital to sort things out. I totally dropped to the level of an ordinary person.
On the basis of the above incorrect understandings, I came to further think that the evil was intensifying the illness to persecute me. Therefore, I should use righteous thoughts to eliminate it, and then the operation would take care of the illness, and I would then be able do the Three Things well. I created excuses for myself to agree to the operation.
Fellow practitioners told me that these were all "evil enlightenments," but I couldn't accept that all at once. Fellow practitioners said I didn't believe in Teacher and the Fa. I replied that it was not that I didn't believe in Teacher or Dafa, it was due to my limited cultivation level; I needed to broaden my heart. I was suffering so much. If I didn't go through with the operation, the pain would torture me so that I couldn't keep a calm mind or do anything else. In essence, what I did was equal to giving up cultivation and surrendering to the evil forces.
As I prepared for the operation, I appeared to have "extraordinary symptoms." The medications had no effect whatsoever, and the operation couldn't be done. It was like that for a few days, and the doctors were very surprised. At that point, I came to realize that Teacher was trying to wake me up, exactly when the evil beings from other dimensions were taking advantage of my loopholes and trying to take away my life. Teacher protected me and woke me up all of a sudden.
I had my family members let fellow practitioners know about my situation, and asked them to help me understand. If I was under evil enlightenment, I would rectify myself right away. Even if the suffering caused me to die, I would not go through with the operation, I would not use any medication, I would be very firm in getting discharged from the hospital. Fellow practitioners all believed that it was rotten demons and dark minions persecuting me as opposed to illness, Teacher gave me a clear hint: I should not have been admitted to the hospital in the first place.
I realized that I was wrong, so I asked to be discharged from the hospital right away. The following day, I came home from the hospital. I continued doing the Three Things, I calmed my mind when I studied the Fa, I looked inward to improve my xinxing, I understood issues from the perspective of the Fa, and my pain was almost gone. Then, with practitioners' support through righteous thoughts, one week later, my pain disappeared completely. I was back to normal.
This lesson was very serious. By reflecting on the entire process, I enlightened to the following:
1. How to keep a steadfast mind
There is no such thing as illness to true practitioners.
"You do not need to practice such low-level things, and we will push you beyond it, making your body reach a state free of any illness."
"Qigong practice and true cultivation practice will not lead to illness, particularly under this condition." (Zhuan Falun)
There ate a few sentences about this topic in Zhuan Falun, I know them all. I can also recite some of them. However, confronted with "tremendous pain," in a situation where the "pain" became more and more severe, the attachment to fear and other sentimentalities played an active role. Controlled by dark minions and meddling deities, they tried to confuse and steer me into deviating from the Fa , making me look for "excuses" in the Fa, making me consider that my situation was an isolated case, so that it was alright to not to pass this test.
Confronted with tribulations, we must cultivate out all of our attachments and desires in doing the Three Things. If they exist, they will separate us from the characteristics of the universe. As soon as we run into problems, they become very active, controlled by dark minions and meddling deities, and without noticing, our righteous faith is moved. If we were to completely eliminate them and improve our xinxing, we would completely melt into Dafa, without any separation, and the characteristics of the universe would be directly reflected in us and directly manifested in our bodies, so that we would be able to understand the Fa from our hearts.
"If every one of you can understand the Fa from the depths of your mind, that will truly be the manifestation of the Fa whose power knows no boundary--the reappearance of the mighty Buddha Fa in the human world!" (Essentials for Further Advancement)
This kind of steadfastness and righteous faith is by nature different from any strong and confident ordinary person. It is not something that can be done by ordinary people, rather, it's a natural result of Dafa practitioners cultivating themselves and improving their xinxing and level. It's a reflection of their minds being conscious and their being steadfast and confident .
"But the righteous faith of a Dafa disciple is a Godly state. It results from a rational understanding of the truth, it's the Godly state of the side that's been successfully cultivated, and it's definitely not something that external elements can have an effect on." ("Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference")
After I came to enlighten to these truths, in the course of doing the Three Things and studying the Fa, I try hard to find my fundamental attachments. I particularly pay attention to getting rid of my attachments to fear, selfishness, pursuit, life and death, jealousy, the competitive mentality, zealotry, and my show-off mentality. After my xinxing improved, my righteous thoughts became firmer. "One's gong level is as high as one's xinxing level, and this is an absolute truth." (Zhuan Falun)
2. Why didn't my pain go away? How I overcame feeling pain
The more fearful of pain I became, the more pain I felt, until it became a vicious cycle. At that point, I became more anxious. "They keep pursuing it, and in the end, the results turn out to be just the opposite." (Zhuan Falun) When I sent righteous thoughts, I couldn't calm down; when I did the exercises, I couldn't stand straight. I kept changing positions from sitting down to standing up. The pain forced me to keep running in the same place. I recited the Fa repeatedly, and that didn't work. I became more anxious, and my righteous thoughts grew less and less, and the pain became stronger and stronger. Besides my attachment to fear and anxiety, I also completely got bogged down with the tribulation. Even though I knew how to get rid of my attachment to fear and let go of my anxieties by keeping strong righteous thoughts (even though I didn't make it), everything I did was to get rid of the pain quickly, which was a strong attachment. Later, after I let go of this attachment and began to think out of the tribulation and take a step back from the tribulation, a very relaxed feeling surrounded me, and I felt that I was full of righteous thoughts. At that time, righteous thoughts had a great effect.
I felt that the pain was also a human attachment. When there is certain type of pain, certain human attachments and karma go with it. The more painful it is, the stronger the corresponding attachments are. First of all, I should eliminate the attachment to "pain." This is fundamental, which is also a process of looking inward and cultivating myself.
"Cultivation practice itself is not difficult, and neither is upgrading one's level itself difficult. It is because they cannot give up the human mind that they call it difficult." (Zhuan Falun)
During the process of eliminating the attachment to "pain," we should have a heart of great forbearance, and we should be able to suffer hardship on top of hardship. No matter how severe the pain is and how long it lasts, we should never surrender to it. "If you can commit your mind, no difficulties can stop you. I would say that there is not a problem." (Zhuan Falun) By using our righteous thoughts to eliminate the evils, the pain will disappear. To send righteous thoughts and recite the Fa solely for the purpose of getting rid of "pain" is actually looking outward, and then even such scared things as sending righteous thoughts and reciting the Fa become methods at an ordinary person's level, and they will not have a good effect. I studied the Fa with human notions, sent righteous thoughts with human attachments. How could it accomplish anything, trying to eliminate the attachment to fear with an attachment to fear?
Eliminating evil with righteous thoughts doesn't happen with the mindset of "anxiously achieving the outcome." This is a human attachment, as opposed to righteous thoughts, which can't eliminate evil. Only when we let go of all the human attachments and eliminate the evil in calmness can we demonstrate this great power.
3. Why do we encounter such tribulations? How do we negate the tribulations arranged by the old forces?
My family's medical history; the results of ultrasounds; day-to-day "symptoms;" occasionally "getting sick;" and repetitive "persuasion with nice words" from relatives, friends and doctors are all arranged by the old forces in detail, causing me to form such notions as "illness." Studying the Fa, even though I considered that this was an illusion caused by the elements of the old forces, should negate these notions. Due to my not being able to cultivate very diligently, however, I still had confusion buried deeply in my thoughts. This confusion was the root cause of my being unable to be steadfast in Dafa. It was because there was fame, self-interest, and sentimentality existing very deep in my thoughts. It was they that separated me from Dafa. The dark minions and meddling deities seized this loophole and did whatever they wanted, inviting the tribulation. In facing such a tribulation, one should negate it completely.
Any unorganized and forced persecution is against the law, and even disallowed in the old cosmos. If we were truly able to negate all the arrangements by the old forces, then this tribulation would not exist. Even though I tried to negate the old forces arrangements, how come it didn't work? Because I was trying to negate it with an attachment to fear and other human attachments. The true negating of the old forces arrangements is different than what ordinary people can do; it is negating while letting go of all human attachments. This is a Dafa practitioner showing his divine side. As long as there are attachments, dark minions and meddling deities will take advantage and carry out persecution. They seize upon your loopholes and then they make you recognize the persecution. To truly negate all arrangements by the old forces completely, it must be done without any human attachments. When I gradually began to the do the Three Things, the effect of negating the old forces gradually took hold.
The above-mentioned three points can all be summarized as follows: At different stages and levels of Fa-rectification, when we do the Three Things, no matter what we run into, we should absolutely look inside unconditionally, improve our level continuously, understand the Fa from the Fa's perspective, and hold ourselves firmly to the standards of Dafa so that we can walk the last leg of our divine journey well.
