(Clearwisdom.net) Although there have been stumbles in the past eleven years of cultivation, I have been able to proceed steadfastly in Dafa with the care of Teacher, and fellow practitioners’ help and encouragement. Looking back, many things have happened without leaving much impression, but some “images” are still vivid in front of my eyes. For example, I remember the excitement of first encountering Dafa and learning the true meaning of human life, and the happiness of not having any illnesses. I also remember the joy of spreading Dafa, including hearing the officials using the village PA system to urge people to go to learn and practice Falun Gong. There were the difficulties and dangers of going to Beijing to appeal for Dafa. There was the pain of persecution, including being fined, fired, imprisoned, and tortured. There were the ups and downs of getting rid of attachments and elevating myself through doing Dafa work. It all seems to have just happened yesterday. In looking back, I deeply feel that the process of validating Dafa and saving sentient beings through these ups and downs is the process of continuously elevating oneself and returning to one’s origin.
Last summer, I went back to my hometown in the countryside after having been forced away from home for a long time. At noon on the third day, policemen from the local police station surrounded my home where I was studying the “Fa” at the time. Hearing the noise and looking outside the window, I saw that police were already in the yard. I ran into a storage cell and the police knocked on the door just as I was locking it. I asked them what they wanted. They said: “We'll tell you after you come out.” They tried to abduct me. I began to tell them the facts about Dafa and urged them to be good. They said that I had committed a crime and their higher authorities wanted me arrested. With more people joining them, the police began prying the door with a metal bar. My mother tried to block them and I prayed to Teacher for help. I told them: “I follow Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance in order to be a good person. How could I have committed any crime? You guys are actually committing crimes breaking into private homes and abducting innocent people. Don't follow Jiang Zemin and commit crimes. Stop being bad people and leave a path for yourself to survive.”
I calmed down and sat with my legs crossed in a lotus position. Erecting my hand in front of me, I sent forth righteous thoughts to completely reject and eliminate all the evil that was attempting to persecute me. Teacher said in, “Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference”:
“If upon encountering trying circumstances your thinking can be truly righteous, then, when faced with the evil's persecution and when faced with interference, just one sentence of yours fortified with steadfast righteous thoughts can instantly make the evil disintegrate, and it will make those who are being used by the evil turn and flee, it will make the evil's persecution of you dissolve, and it will make the evil's interfering with you disappear without a trace.”
Soon after, the head of the police station received a phone call and called off all the people in a hurry. I knew that Teacher was saving me and I took the opportunity to escape from my home, bringing with me my notebook computer. Ten minutes later, the police came back to look for me and searched my home. Not finding me, they set up roadblocks to check all buses and taxis, but they did not expect that I would ride a farm vehicle and pass by right in front of their noses.
Later, I learned that up and down in the communist party, people had targeted me as a key figure to monitor and arrest. This time when I went back home, they detected and monitored my cell phone. When I was about one mile from my home in my running away, my cell phone suddenly ran out of charge. They were locking onto my position through my cellphone but suddenly lost the signal as a result. I was deeply moved and my eyes were all wet when I learned about this later. Thank you, Teacher for helping me.
For a period of time before this incident, our production and distribution of the “Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party” was done effectively and had some success, thanks to the effort of our local small information center. This, plus the fact that I was able to best meet fellow practitioners' needs, led gradually to my getting lots of praise from others. Initially I did not pay attention, but slowly I became engrossed in myself and began delving into the work itself. Sometimes I would lose my concentration in studying the Fa, and could not maintain my two hour minimum Fa-study every day. Sometimes I was so busy that I did not even study the Fa. As a result I almost let the evil take advantage of my loopholes. Luckily, with Teacher's protection I escaped from the danger. It was apparent that this incident was a warning sign reminding me to pay attention, look inward for leaks and study the Fa carefully. But I did not heed the warning and only superficially looked for my problems. I thought that it was because I was doing too much work and ran out of time to study the Fa, and that I did not let go of my attachment to sentimentality for my family members. Later, I lengthened my Fa study by two hours each day, but failed to look for more deeply hidden leaks. I delved into the work itself just the same.
Three months later, I was abducted on the street by police and was put in jail. After a month of illegal detention, I was sent to a forced labor camp. When they first arrested me, I shouted: “Falun Dafa is good.” I did the same when I was sent to jail and the forced labor camp, and when
I was sent to the hospital for a physical. I refused to cooperate with them from the beginning. I refused to take in water or food. With Teacher's help, I walked out of the forced labor camp a half year later. In the process, I learned many lessons and had lots of enlightenment and kept looking inward.
Getting rid of attachments
During the time of my detention, I memorized the Fa and sent forth righteous thoughts every day. In the meantime, I followed Teacher's words:
“Your body lies in prison—don’t be sorrowful, don’t be sad
With righteous thoughts and righteous actions, Fa is here
Calmly reflect on how many attachments you have
As you get rid of human mentality, evil is naturally defeated”
(“Don't be sad” Hong Yin Vol.II, version B)
The more I looked, the deeper I was able to go. In addition to finding that I did not study the Fa well enough before the incident, I also discovered at least ten other attachments that I had not paid sufficient attention to in the past. The most prominent ones are as follows:
I found that my attachment to fame was not totally eliminated. Before I began my cultivation, I paid a lot of attention to fame. My motto was that “In passing by, a swan is to leave its singing and a person is to leave his name.” After cultivation, I got rid of my desire for fame gradually in ordinary people's environment and I thought I had gotten rid of this attachment. But actually it was still deep in my soul, and when a layer was removed, a new layer appeared underneath. I did not root it out completely. It only changed into a new form. Slowly and semi-consciously, my attachment to fame grew when I was among fellow practitioners. In doing Dafa work, I was unconsciously validating myself. Often I mixed into my work my desire for showing off my knowledge, capability, writing and speaking skills, and the zeal for achieving something. All these were rooted in my attachment to fame, from which my vanity, my concern about losing face, and my yearning for hearing praise grew. I mentioned above that I had once noticed this attachment of mine and had decided to get rid of it. Indeed I got rid of a lot of it, making it not as prominent. Later, working with other practitioners as a coordinator for Dafa work, I had some success. With the praise from some practitioners, my attachment to accomplishing things was strengthened. I became busier and busier and could not help myself. Later, experiencing even more praise, some practitioners even began to worship me, and I gradually forgot who I was. I forgot that all my skills and abilities came from Dafa and were all arranged by Teacher's fashen (law bodies). Some practitioners did warn me, saying “it is very dangerous being worshiped by others,” but I did not take it seriously. Now looking back, it is indeed harmful to be worshiped by others. But as a cultivator, the main reason for this to have happened was still that I unconsciously established a field that sought other people's worship.
I also found one of my human notions that had prevented me from assimilating to Dafa in the past few years. As an ordinary person, I had a way of being smooth and slick. But for a cultivator, this seriously interfered with my assimilating to “Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance.” To be truthful, a cultivator’s actions need to truly reflect what he/she thinks. Sometimes I clearly saw the deficiencies of a fellow practitioner and should have nicely pointed it out, but under this notion of being smooth and slick, I kept silent. Looking deeper, I found that I acted this way because I was afraid that my fame might be affected. I was concerned that if I said something, they would be upset and dislike me.
I also noticed that the impression that the culture of the communist party left on me was not completely eliminated. The notion of wanting to be “great, bright, and correct,” and “tall, big, and complete” still existed in me, but I was too used to it to sense it. My first thought was always to maintain my own image. When others pointed out my deficiencies, rather than looking inward, I would provide all sorts of explanations, so as to remove other people's bad impressions of me. To summarize, all this was to maintain the attachment for fame that was deep within me.
Teacher said:
“Do you know that one of the biggest excuses the old evil forces use at present to persecute Dafa is that your fundamental attachments remain concealed? So in order to identify those people, the tribulations have been made more severe.” (“Towards Consummation,” Essentials for Further Advances II)
I did not get rid my fundamental attachment to fame and the evil used this as their “biggest excuse” to persecute me at this time.
The second reason was that I did not put down the attachment to time. I was more attached to time when the persecution began, often wondering: “Will it be spring or autumn when the Fa rectifies the human world?” Around July 20, I told my family members who were deeply-stressed at the time: “Let's watch it in half a year.” But half a year later, the persecution remained the same. This led some of them to not believe in me as much later, and affected the effectiveness of my telling them the facts about Falun Gong. This caused me to think hard. In the subsequent five to six years, I would let no one mention time to me. I thought that I had eliminated my attachment to time. But when I saw Teacher’s new article in 2005: “The Year of Yiyou has begun. During this year, Fa-rectification's enormous force will bring changes to mankind.” (“New Year's Greetings”) I mistakenly guessed that probably 2005 would be the year that the Fa rectified the human world. Although I didn’t mention time, the attachment to it was still deep in my mind.
The third reason was that I still resented those who persecuted me. A few years ago, I published an article on the web disclosing the persecution. Some practitioners pointed out to me that my tone in describing the policemen who persecuted Dafa and practitioners was not nice. I read it carefully and found indeed that this was the case. I tried as much as I could to soften my tone in my later writings, but the upsetting emotion toward the persecutors was never removed. Teacher said in, “Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference”:
“I really have to ask you: Are you truly cultivating? Have you truly followed Dafa's requirements? Are you clarifying the facts with the human mindset of disagreeing with the persecution of Falun Gong, or are you validating the Fa and saving sentient beings truly from the standpoint of a Dafa disciple?”
This Fa caused me to be aware of and to watch for this attachment. Later I felt that I no longer had this attachment, but when I was in the forced labor camp this time, I met the policemen who had persecuted me before and I found I did not want to see them. Then I knew that deep in my mind I still had a trace of resentment. I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it right away. Later one of the policemen accompanied me to the hospital for a checkup. He said a lot of bad things to me, even saying that he would find someone to kill me. My heart did not move. During the period around the Chinese New Year, I wished him a happy New Year when he opened the restroom door for me on duty. He also wished me a happy New Year back. From then on his attitude toward me was much better.
The fourth reason was that my attachment to lust was not completely eliminated. In the past I felt that as far as I was concerned, I never had any romantic relationship with anyone after cultivation, and I never had any improper relationship with anyone before cultivation either. So I did not pay much attention to this issue in my cultivation. During my detention I found many attachments in myself, but I did not look in this area and forgot about it. Finally, under Teacher’s inspiration, I began to pay serious attention to this attachment. Growing up in an ordinary people’s society in the past dozens of years, I had come into contact with many deviated things since my youth. They left a deep impression in my mind and I eventually developed a strong attachment to lust. To say this attachment is “deeply rooted” is no exaggeration. Teacher said in “Zhuan Falun:”
“...there are a lot of attachments that are derived from emotion, and we have to really care less about them, and at some point finally let go of them all. That desire and lust stuff are all just human attachments, and we should get rid of all of them.”
Now Teacher’s Fa-rectification has proceeded to the last phase and I still did not take this attachment of mine seriously and get rid of it. After I discovered it, I focused my energy and sent forth righteous thoughts. I spent a full two days and essentially eliminated it. Getting rid of this attachment was actually critical for me to break the evil’s persecution. Three days after I got rid of it, I walked out of the forced labor camp (there were some other factors as well, of course). Indeed divine beings think the attachment to lust is a serious matter and Teacher has pointed out this issue many times.
In addition, I found that to a certain extent I had attachments to interests, my physical health, and the sentimentality for family members. I also had the attachment of wanting to fight and accomplish things, of being jealous, and being engrossed with myself. I kept sending righteous thoughts to get rid of them after I found them.
Steadfastly believing in Teacher
Teacher cared for me and gave me hints to direct me at all times when I was being persecuted. I deeply felt Teacher’s immense benevolence. As a disciple, the importance of steadfastly believing in Teacher cannot be overstated. In the last four months in the forced labor camp, they force-fed me with food and drugs for almost every meal. All the drugs were for destroying the central nervous system, harming internal organs, and blocking my urine and bowel movements. The dosage was heavy and potent. Sometimes I would be very dizzy just a few minutes after being force-fed with it. While sending forth righteous thoughts to transfer the drugs onto the evil, I steadfastly believed in Teacher. Sometimes when I felt that I was going to fall because of dizziness, I would say to Teacher: “Teacher, as a disciple I put everything in your hands.” A while later, Teacher would clear away the drugs in me and I would be fine. As a matter of fact, as long as one trusts in Teacher and Dafa wholeheartedly, and puts down thoughts about life and death and is not affected by anything, then the issue of “dying” actually does not exist. My personal enlightenment is that Teacher can do anything, and the exhibition of His power is proportional to the degree of a disciple’s trust in him. Teacher actually has told us about this:
“Disciples’ righteous thoughts are strong
Master has the power to turn the tide”
(“Master-Disciple Grace”)
At any time and under any circumstance, one can go through any test and obstacle as long as one steadfastly trusts Teacher and puts oneself in Teacher’s hands. "It’s hard to endure, but you can endure it. It’s hard to do, but you can do it." (Zhuan Falun)
The power of righteous thoughts
While in detention, I sent forth righteous thoughts every day to get rid of evil. Every morning I would recite a few times Teacher’s poem:
Great enlightened beings fear no hardship
Their will is cast of diamond
Life or death, they have no attachment
Forthright and broad-minded on the road of Fa-rectification
(“Righteous Thought, Righteous Action” Hong Yin II)
to expand my capacity and enhance my righteous thoughts. I tried many times to urge the villains to be good and tell them the facts about Dafa, but they would not listen. Then I followed Teacher’s instructions:
“Whether it's when the wicked policemen are using electric batons or when bad people are injecting drugs to persecute you, you can use your righteous thoughts to redirect the electric current or the drugs back to the person doing violence to you.” (“Stop the Evil Acts with Righteous Thoughts”)
and used strong righteous thoughts to transfer the drugs that they forced into me back to them. There was a time they felt it. Three out of four doctors that force-fed drugs into me did not want to do it anymore. There was a time that they force-fed me with a drug that would cause flu symptoms. I did not suffer any but the two people in the forced labor camp who directed the operation came down with the flu several times and had badly running noses. One of them said in front me that lately his prostate had become infected. (They had been force-feeding me with drugs that blocked urine and bowel movement.)
In later months, I thought of myself as a divine being, feeling that my righteous thoughts were getting ever stronger. It truly felt that I was trampling on the evil entities and destroying them. Teacher said: “However strong the righteous thoughts are, that’s how great the power is.” (“Also in a Few Words,”Essentials for Further Advancement II) The director of the forced labor camp who had always displayed an arrogance with his power had a talk with me a few days before I was released from the camp. The first sentence he said in a weak voice, falling deep into his chair, was: “You are bullying us here at the camp. You think that we are too weak.” I thought: “I am not bullying you. It is a Dafa practitioner’s job to annihilate the evil den.”
Working as one body is very powerful
After my abduction, Minghui/Clearwisdom publicized many times the situation about my persecution and this forcefully suppressed the evil. Practitioners abroad called the forced labor camp and scared them. One policeman said that he received seventeen telephone calls from overseas. Local practitioners printed and posted many fliers that exposed the evils’ persecution. The forced labor camp was intimidated. A doctor and a guard talked loudly to let me hear their opinion. The doctor said that the flier posted outside about their persecuting me was fabricated. The guard feigned innocence and said that he was very upset learning about my persecution.
My family members went to the local authorities and the forced labor camp many times to ask them to release me. This scared the evil. My wife twice went to the city official in charge and asked him to release me. The first time he was scared and upset, and almost pushed my wife to the ground. The second time he promised to help after she told him the facts. My wife, children, and relatives went many times to the forced labor camp to ask them to release me. My wife persistently went to the forced labor camp dozens of times. They were very afraid to see her.
Domestic and overseas practitioners’ sending forth righteous thoughts simultaneously had a huge effect. Local practitioners organized a group to send forth righteous thoughts in close proximity about one month before my release. The coordinator organized practitioners to take turns going to the vicinity of the forced labor camp to send forth righteous thoughts. Quite a few practitioners took buses to the forced labor camp every day. A taxi-driver practitioner said that she alone had driven practitioners to the vicinity of the forced labor camp to send forth righteous thoughts thirty-four times.
I was both moved and embarrassed after learning this after my release. I was moved by practitioners’ unselfishness in helping people and the whole group. I was embarrassed about my own deficiencies. I caused Teacher to worry, and wasted the energy of practitioners both domestic and abroad. To a certain extent I have affected the truly important business of saving sentient beings.
When I got home after being released, I worked hard to study and memorize the Fa. I spent over forty days memorizing Zhuan Falun entirely. The local evil monitored me illegally. I went to talk with the guy monitoring me face to face and he was dismissed. Later I went to my former work place and told them the facts and requested them to resolve issues related to my work and my wages. In the process, there were rumors that the evil was trying to harm me, and some practitioners urged me to run away. I was not swayed and rejected fundamentally the evil’s arrangements.
I also saw that I still had some attachments and I was not very diligent in telling people about the facts of Falun Gong. This meant that I had not eliminated the selfishness of the old cosmos from its root. Teacher said:
“So whichever realm you have cultivated to, the composition of your being at the microcosmic level is connected to that realm. When you cultivate to higher levels you will be connected to higher levels and will sever the connections to all levels below.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2001 Canada Fa Conference”)
We need to sever the relationship with the old cosmos’s fundamental nature, “selfishness.” This way we can become unselfish, enlightened people. Teacher’s benevolence and expectation will then not be in vain. The closer it is to the end, the more diligent we need to be. We need to walk well the last stretch of the path of validating Dafa.
