(Clearwisdom.net) I got married seven years ago. Ever since my husband gave up cultivation, we have had countless conflicts between us. Sometimes we treated each other very coldly, to the extent that the family atmosphere was suffocating. The last time we had a quarrel, my husband, who usually says very few words, said to me: "You always feel you are right. Anyway, I cannot gain the upper hand verbally. I had hoped that you could be more gentle and submissive, but you are always unwilling to take criticism."
I looked in his face, and I felt moved in my heart. I remembered Master's words:
"But you need to correct the tendency you have formed--you must. Be sure to pay heed! From this point on, whoever can't take criticism is not being diligent, whoever can't take criticism is not displaying the state of a cultivator, or at least on this issue. (Applause) If someone still can't pass this test, I'll tell you, he is in a very dangerous situation, because for a cultivator this is the most fundamental thing, it's at the top of the list of things to eliminate, and it has to be eliminated." ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles")
This was the third time my husband complained that I was not gentle and submissive. This time, I didn't talk back with a harsh attitude as usual; instead, I calmed down and searched inward to find my own faults. Upon reflecting on my marriage, I decided to dig out the root cause why I was not being gentle. I found that I failed to cultivate myself well and there were many attachments I had not gotten rid of yet. I had been a combative person all along.
First of all, I had a strong attachment to love and affection. My husband and I started dating when the evil had just started to persecute Dafa. At that time, I was a new practitioner who had just obtained the Fa two months before. After I came to know my husband, who was a cultivator, I felt I was the happiest person in the world, because I had not only attained Dafa, but also found the man of my dreams. However, on one occasion, he asked me to take affection lightly; he told me that he did not like girls of my type and that it was due to the consideration of cultivation that he decided to marry me. It felt like a sudden thunderbolt that destroyed all my dreams about love. It really broke my heart. I could not get over it even after a long time. I would bring up this issue every time I quarreled with him. Although my husband kept telling me that since he decided to marry me, he was committed to spending the rest of his life with me happily, I still felt that my self-esteem and feelings were hurt. I wanted him to care about me and be considerate of me just like the main characters in romantic stories. I felt wronged and lonely if he failed to act as I expected.
Secondly, I had strong a attachment to money. When we first got married, my husband was very poor and his whole family depended on us; however, I observed the beauty of Dafa cultivation in him. For example, he did not play cards and did not smoke or drink alcohol. I firmly decided to marry him in spite of my parents' objections. Unexpectedly, he gave up cultivation and resumed all kinds of bad habits. I felt extremely upset. I had a well-paying job and I started to hold a grudge against him for being so poor. I was very attached to saving money; I would feel bad when he spent money carelessly. I used the excuse that we need to be frugal to cover my attachment and often blamed him.
Thirdly, I was very dependent on my husband when he used to be a cultivator. He went to Beijing to appeal for Dafa and they arrested him because they thought he was a key member of Falun Gong. He was held in a detention center and subjected to brainwashing, and we paid several thousand yuan as a penalty. He was forcibly laid off for half a year and had severe sickness karma in the midst of this persecution. In the end, he failed to persevere in cultivation and went to a hospital. After that, he quit cultivation and indulged in computer games. He became more and more lost in the big dye-vat of everyday people. I had been dependent on him when he was firm in cultivation, and therefore I seemed to be firm, too. When he gave up cultivation, my main consciousness was not strong enough and I almost lost my direction. I always missed the good old days when we studied the Fa and promoted Dafa together. I often provoked him with grudges. However, the more I provoked him, the less he was willing to resume cultivation. I realized that this was happening because I was selfish; I wanted him to help me with my cultivation and help me improve.
Master said:
"Being Dafa disciples, aren't you all to protect and validate the Fa? That is your responsibility. So things are not merely as you envision them as you go about cultivating. Though you are to regard cultivation as primary, you can't think no other things are important, thinking your family is unimportant, society is unimportant, etc., and that nothing else is important. Balancing all of those parts of your life well is the path that you are to walk." ("Teaching the Fa in Canada, 2006")
As a Dafa disciple, I am a person walking toward godhood. However, during the past several years, I lived in the midst of discontent with my marriage and complaints against my husband. After I dug out my failure to cultivate well, I noticed how selfish I had been. All of a sudden, the so-called unmatched personal characters, loneliness and wounded heart dissolved without a trace. I simply felt guilty for having treated my husband with a selfish mind.
As my attitude turned around and I re-examined my marriage with the principles of Dafa, "Truthfulness-Compassion-Tolerance," I realized how trivial my husband's shortcomings truly were. I recalled the days when he was honest and kind, I remembered how the evil CCP persecuted him, and great compassion arose in my heart. As a matter of fact, the reason why my husband did not resume Dafa cultivation again for such a long time was largely due to my failing to do well. After I realized my mistakes, I became more respectful towards my in-laws and more caring and understanding towards my husband. In addition, I did a better job in keeping house; our apartment is now more tidy and clean.
Only through giving up can one really gain. My environment immediately started to change as soon as my mindset changed. My husband became more and more friendly toward me; maybe he has found that I am now more gentle and submissive. On Valentine's Day of this year, he bought a rose bouquet for me, which he had never done before. I remembered Master's teaching, "But true improvements come from letting go, not from gaining." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.")
Thank you, Master, for giving me hints and encouragement! I will let go of selfish sentiments and cherish those beings Master wants to save, from a completely unselfish standpoint. I will cherish the precious opportunity of saving sentient beings during my Fa-rectification cultivation!
