(Clearwisdom.net) My son is 9 years old (also a practitioner) and attends elementary school Level Two. He is frequently resentful, throws tantrums, is picky about food, loves to snack and is too lazy to learn things. He also does not do things he should. Today he was not very thoughtful of his aged granny who has weak kidneys. He made his granny carry his school bag and thus made her very tired. One day, my son started to cough severely. He coughed so hard it made him cry.
At night when we were studying the Fa, my son was resentful that the paragraph he was to read when his turns came around were longer than the ones I was to read. He complained. When he went to sleep, his cough was worse than before, and he could not sleep. I thought he should be punished. Thus I did not send righteous thoughts for him and was busy preparing Dafa truth-clarification materials. Later my wife urged me to send righteous thoughts for our son. I changed my mind, thinking that since Falun Gong practitioners are one body I should not ignore him. Thus I went to help. Initially I sent righteous thoughts. I hesitated and still did the five minutes of clearing my environment and myself. The moment I conjoined my hands I thought "Is it true that I am helping him?"
Master has again and again urged us to look inward. I suddenly realized that I had recently been blaming others. I picked on others and was impatient with people, especially my relatives. This is already very serious. One time I even had a row with my boss over a small thing. In my 11 years of cultivation, this has never happened before. When I took my mom to see the doctor one time I was quite impatient with her, because sometimes she was not rational. My tone of voice and behavior was unpleasant. My father, who has yet to renounce his Chinese Communist Party (CCP) membership, was more patient toward my mother and was very understanding. How can my behavior move my father, whose mind is poisoned by the lies of the CCP? These few incidents flashed across my mind.
I suddenly awakened. We should always and at all times and places let people feel our compassion and pureness. If we don't do that, no matter how well we reason with them, our speech will lack the power of dissolving the bad elements in their minds.
Is my kindness selective and conditional? If I like you, then I am compassionate. If I don't like you, then I am not compassionate? Isn't this the manifestation of ego? My son's behavior is a mirror for me. Is it because of my impatience, my picking on others that added many bad elements to him and prevented him from raising his level? Furthermore the fact that I did not look inward gave the old evil forces an excuse to increase interference and persecution. I should not always blame my son for not being smart enough (his math skills are poor), that he reacts slowly, does not cultivate well and likes to throw temper tantrums. Don't all these mirror my recent circumstances? Shouldn't I look inward? Master said that all Falun Gong practitioners came from high places in the cosmos. Why must I think that my son is not smart enough? False appearances must not deceive me. If I really look inward, miracles will happen.
The moment my thoughts reached this point, although I hadn't yet sent righteous thoughts, my son's cough stopped. I could not believe it. I sent righteous thoughts. Then my son quickly fell asleep. The feelings and emotions I had were very difficult to describe in words.
Master only wants our hearts to be kind. He will be able to do anything for us. My enlightenment quality is too low; that's why the recent truth-clarification activities reached a lull. I was unable to achieve a breakthrough. Why is it that I am always a step behind in the Fa-rectification? Why is it that I always worry with human attachments, and my hesitation makes me lose opportunities again and again? Why is it that the words I say are unable to move the hearts of others?
If I really look inward I discover a lack of kindness; I am far away from the state of mind of an enlightened being who is always thinking of others before themselves. Master is worried for me, and for the sentient beings who have a predestined relationship with me!
I hope that fellow practitioners will learn from my lesson and move forward diligently on the path of clarifying the truth and helping people renounce their CCP membership.
