(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings, Master! Hello, fellow practitioners!
A year ago I decided to go into hiding to avoid further persecution by the police. During this time I put great effort into searching out my own shortcomings, improving my xinxing level, and denying the persecution. With Master's protection and guidance, I finally overcame the difficult situation and restored my normal cultivation environment. Now I would like to report my experiences to Master and fellow practitioners.
1. Treating Myself as a Real Practitioner--I Stopped Using Human Methods to Solve Problems During Cultivation
I consider myself a resourceful and smart person. I could take care of my own safety without much difficulty. For example, I used my cellphones for specific purposes, selected my itinerary randomly when I distributed flyers, and was watchful when purchasing printing supplies so people did not suspect what they were being used for. But all these safety measures did not originate from rational and righteous thoughts based on the Fa; rather, they were human thoroughness and skills. I thought they were signs of reason, and gradually I became over-cautious, and my suspicions and fear also grew.
The evil old forces took advantage of my "over-cautious nature" and created illusions of dangerous situations. Each such illusory occasion should have been a good opportunity to relinquish my over-cautiousness and my fear and suspicions, and make me strengthen my righteous thoughts and deny the old forces' arrangements. But instead of taking this as an opportunity for cultivation, I instead took more safety measures to stay out of trouble. But no matter how careful I was, my human capabilities were still not enough. Just as I was enjoying my watertight safety techniques, someone reported my activities to the police. Fortunately, with Master's protection, I escaped in time. But I decided to leave home to avoid further persecution, and I stayed in hiding. There were many reasons for this, but I will not elaborate here.
I found many of my own problems while living a homeless life. But I still overlooked my over-cautiousness and fear. Because I had gotten so used to dealing with safety issues from a human angle, the issue got worse. I believed that I should be more careful to avoid trouble, so I invented more safety precautions such as moving constantly and paying attention to all changes around me. Eventually I moved into a place where I felt absolutely safe. I spent several months there, studying the Fa and sending righteous thoughts.
One day a family member told me that the police had found out where I was staying, and they had my voice profile. My family told me to leave immediately. But my non-practitioner friend who usually provides transportation was out of town, so I was stuck. Realizing my problem I asked myself, "You are resourceful, right? What do you do now? Of course, you can hire a cab to move again. But what about the future? Do you intend to keep using human ways to protect yourself? The evil forces are in other dimensions. How can you hide from them? Now even the absolutely safe house is no longer safe. How can a human being resolve issues related to other dimensions?"
After deep thinking I decided to stop protecting myself using my human mindset. "I must treat this problem with a cultivator's mentality. I must abandon the concern for life and death, and fully trust Master's arrangement." Now, for the first time, I came to understand Master's words:
"For a long period of time the sentient beings in Dafa, especially the disciples, have had a misunderstanding of the Fa at various levels regarding xinxing improvement. Whenever a tribulation comes, you do not see it with the side of your original nature but view it completely with your human side. Evil demons then capitalize on this point and inflict endless interference and damage, leaving students in long-term tribulations." ("Expounding on the Fa" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
I was like this in the past, wasn't I? I viewed all my tribulations using human mentality. Realizing this, I began to recite "Expounding on the Fa" over and over, and put in extra effort to send forth righteous thoughts and eliminate the evils in other dimensions.
I once felt extremely nervous about an imagined danger. Every single outside movement triggered an intense fear, thinking that the police were coming to arrest me. Several scenarios and my reactions to them occupied my mind. Finally, I decided to quit worrying and protecting myself, and the next day I felt very relaxed. On the third day nothing happened. I knew that the evil had been defeated and I was very happy. I had overcome the fear and never thought about moving again. I focused on Fa study and followed Master's arrangement. Soon I found a better place where I could do more work to save more people.
One day a practitioner told me that the police were checking IDs in my neighborhood and that several practitioners' families had registered with them. The practitioner warned me to be careful. He asked me to avoid using lights and answering the door. This was another test. I knew I could move to a safer place within 30 minutes. But I also knew that a practitioner should not seek personal safety using a human mentality, especially when the threat was from other dimensions. But I still could not completely eliminate my fear. I knew that I was missing something major. That's why the evil had caused this interference. I increased the frequency of sending righteous thoughts and focused on eliminating the factors that make the persecution possible and make me homeless. Soon, I received a hint from Master that I would be safe here and that I would find a very good place to live a normal life. Sure enough, after I had lived in that place for three months I found a better place and returned to a normal life.
2. Unconditionally Looking Inward
My previous understanding of the principle of looking inward was that during conflicts with practitioners or facing a difficult situation, we need to sort out who is right and who is wrong. If I was wrong, it was time to look inward for problems and I should only look for ways to resolve the conflict. If the other person was at fault, then I was not responsible and he should look inward for his own issues. I should then forgive his mistake and move on. With this shallow understanding my xinxing level had not improved at all, and I later encountered more problems. All kinds of attachments were touched upon, but none of them were relinquished. More and more complicated problems occurred. I was completely drawn into my work, and I became more confused and felt like an ordinary person. I still talked about denying the old force's arrangements and persecution, but for a long time my xinxing level did not improve. Finally, I decided once more to go into hiding.
After painfully recollecting the lessons I had learned, I realized that it should not be that hard to cultivate my mind. If we follow Master's teachings to abandon our attachments, it should be like the story of the Chinese doctor pulling teeth as told in Zhuan Falun. The patient need only breathe in the fumes from the bottle of yellow liquid that the doctor holds to the patient's cheek.
During Fa rectification period cultivation and in the process of saving sentient beings, if we meet the strict requirements when faced with conflicts and never postpone or dodge an issue, we can improve without too much difficulty. But we must be diligent. If we are not strict, then we will encounter problems. If the hurdles are too big, we may give in to the old forces' arrangements. Tests set up by the old forces are like pulling teeth using Western medical procedures. The doctor uses a chisel and hammer to dig out a tooth, which is a frightening process for any patient. The tribulation is painful and difficult to endure. It is not enough to only realize the difference. We must also follow the principles in everyday cultivation.
Master is very patient and kind, but the Fa standard is the same for everyone. Since I accumulated so many problems in the past, it was not easy to catch up with the Fa rectification process. My cultivation during the past year was quite difficult, even painful, however I was determined not to accumulate additional problems. I increased my cultivation effort. In cooperating with other practitioners, I no longer looked for outside help, especially when I was treated unfairly, my personal interests were threatened, or my friends and relatives were in pain. Instead, I sincerely looked for root causes within. I put Dafa and saving sentient beings as the top priority.
Since my cultivation effort in the past was not up to the standard, just as I began to put serious efforts into cultivation, things became rather difficult. On many occasions when I had a hard time I swallowed my pride and pain. I thought, "I must purify myself and accomplish my mission. I will not let my own xinxing problems jeopardize saving sentient beings." Since every one of my cultivation steps was so intense and painful, it seemed unmistakably clear that my xinxing level was rising. My mind expanded, and with that my relationship with fellow practitioners was fundamentally transformed. Finally, I was able to move out of hiding.
I have now realized that looking inward should be unconditional. No matter who is at fault, if we encounter a problem, there must be some reason in ourselves. Master told us in "Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)" (Essentials for Further Advancement II):
"All of you are already aware of the principle of mutual-generation and mutual-inhibition. If you are not afraid, the factor that would make you afraid will cease to exist."
I have come to understand that when a conflict occurs, or a situation arises, it is certainly related to factors in our own dimensions. Otherwise, it would never have happened. If we do not eliminate the related factors, we will not see real changes in our environment.
3. Treasuring our Environment for Validating the Fa--Taking Extra Care with our Projects
I used to have a good environment to do Dafa truth clarification work. I had my own house and a decent income. I did not have to work. Fellow practitioners admired my circumstances. I also felt good. But I did not commit myself wholeheartedly to cultivation, and my xinxing level remained low for a long time. My attachment to comfort became stronger, and gradually I forgot that Master had arranged my environment for me to validate the Fa.
In "Reverse Cultivation and Gong Borrowing" in Zhuan Falun, Master told us:
"The purpose of giving her energy was to enable her to practice cultivation and upgrade herself. While doing good deeds, she could develop her own supernormal abilities and build up her own gong; however, some people did not know this principle."
"She mistakenly thought that she was given the energy to become a qigong master and make a big fortune, while in fact it was for her to practice cultivation. Once the attachments to fame and profit were developed, this person's xinxing level had actually dropped."
"That woman did not know that it was provided for her to practice cultivation, and she mistakenly thought that it was for her to make a fortune, earn fame, and become a qigong master. Actually, it was for her to practice cultivation."
With my pursuit of comfort growing stronger, each day I thought about how to arrange the furniture, how to enjoy life, and how to make more money. I did not treasure this environment. Despite Master's frequent hints I did not become alert and did not value my projects. When I had conflicts with fellow practitioners I tried to resolve them using human methods. Because my xinxing level remained low for a long time, the old forces took advantage of my loopholes and damaged my environment for validating the Fa.
Soon after I moved to another city, the local practitioners there suffered a huge setback, and I lost touch with them. Because of transportation limits, the truth clarifying materials that I printed could not be delivered. I painfully realized the true tragedy when a Dafa disciple cannot validate the Fa. The potentially huge loss of being unable to save sentient beings is beyond all other disappointments.
After I spent many hours studying the Fa I came to realize that during the previous few months I had deviated from a practitioner's correct cultivation path and had not passed the tests. I knew that in the future I could not cheat when attempting to pass new tests. I must pass the tests with honesty and dignity. These hard lessons taught me the seriousness of cultivation.
I asked Master, "Dear Master, please give me a new environment for validating the Fa." Before long I moved into a good place, that with Master's guidance, allowed me to utilize my technical expertise. I was thrilled and thought, "I will treasure this place. I will never again lose a good environment for validating the Fa."
However, since the substance behind my attachments had not been eliminated, the roadblocks did not simply vanish automatically. Because my xinxing foundation was not solid enough, even after the painful lessons, I still had to struggle with my emotions when handling conflicts with fellow practitioners when I received unjustified criticism or when I suffered material losses. I often reminded myself that I would treasure this environment no matter what, and I would cooperate well with others in all circumstances. Finally, I managed to pass the tests one after another, and my environment gradually improved.
I now realize that our projects do not happen accidentally. Master arranged those along with our prehistoric pledges. We must treasure them more than our lives.
Some practitioners do not treasure their cultivation and become too comfortable in everyday life. Some quit working on their projects for various reasons, and told the coordinators, "I could never pass the test. I quit. Please find another person to do this." I feel so sad for them. I would like to tell them that you do not want to feel sorry in the future after you lose these most valuable things. It is the old forces that want us all to fail. If we can all realize that this lack of effort represents a breach of our pre-historic vows, then perhaps we would not give up so easily, and we would have more courage to break through the barriers.
I have gained so many understandings during the past year, and many were learned from my failures. In the past I thought I was a good practitioner. As I began to commit to real cultivation, I discovered that I was actually tripping and falling all the time. I felt so bad that I wanted to cry. After watching Master's "Fa Teaching Given to the Australian Practitioners" my heart felt very heavy. I realized that I must change the old habit of looking outward and finding other's shortcomings. When another person shows some shortcoming, I should consider this a mirror to reflect my own problems. In the next year I will become more diligent in saving sentient beings. I must follow Master's words in "Fa Teaching at the U.S. Capital (2007):" "...to do better, to be more efficient, to have a greater impact, and to save more people."
Heshi!
