(Clearwisdom.net)
For the past few days, our compassionate and great Master arranged three tests related to compassion and sentimentality for me to go through. As a result, I have raised my understanding of compassion.
Once I went to a senior fellow practitioner's home who was suffering from serious sickness tribulations. I happened to see that her son and daughter-in-law were holding her up by her arms in her room. I saw that her head was bleeding, her face was pale, and her whole body was as lifeless as cotton. She could hardly maintain her own body, and her feet were dragging on the floor. I felt very sad: How unfortunate she is! Yesterday I saw in advance that she would break through all the tribulations; today however she turned out to be like this ... "The evil is really vicious. We must eliminate it!"
When sending forth righteous thoughts, I sent out a very determined thought. In my mind I wanted all the evilness that persecutes Dafa practitioners to be "eliminated, eliminated, eliminated..." The word "eliminated" was getting stronger and stronger in my mind. I used all my strength to think the word "eliminated." I clenched my teeth to think "eliminated." Tears rolled down of my face, but then thought: "I should not shed tears in sending forth the righteous thoughts." However, I could not contain myself, and I broke into tears.
At the very beginning, I thought this was demonstration of my compassion. However I was enlightened to the fact immediately: This kind of compassion had mixed with it the human feelings of sympathy and revenge. Our Master teaches us:
"In any case, a cultivator must look at things as a cultivator should and with the mind of a cultivator, and absolutely cannot look at things with the mind of an ordinary person. "( Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles)"
In looking at our fellow practitioners' tribulations, if we used our ordinary people's mentality and so could not think clearly, or if we were enlightened to a totally wrong way, that would result in mistakes.
In the evening on the next day, on my way to group study of the Fa, I cam across an old lady with messy hair and dirty hands, face and clothes. On her cheeks, there were several stains. Suddenly I felt that this old lady looked like my mother who had passed away. She was so pitiable. I could not help putting several coins onto her palm. At this moment, she raised her head and looked at me with puzzlement. I said: "It is so cold here. You should go and buy several glutinous rice cakes." She had a smile on her face, and I also smiled and waved bye-bye to her.
This incident also seemed to be me having compassion. Actually I felt very guilty because the starting point for me to do it was wrong. It was not out of the compassion of a Buddha. It was out of a selfish sentimentality, which showed that I lagged far behind Master's requirement.
One day later, I received a phone call from my beloved younger daughter who was out of town. She talked to me about her work and studies. I was over-elaborate. She then continued to talk about her child's life and studies, and then I began to be talkative again. She was kind of impatient: "Couldn't you say something good for me to listen to?" At that moment, I was so mad, thinking that my daughter did not understand my kindness. I said in a very unhappy tone: "That is the way for a Mom to be." She did not care; instead she continued to say in a petulant way that the next day would be her birthday. I answered very coldly: "Well, my daughter will be 37 years old tomorrow , one year older. I wish you a happy birthday, " and then I hung up the phone.
The moment I hung up the phone, Master's words ringing in my ears:
"A Dafa disciple should consider others first in everything he does. "( "Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston" )
Immediately I recognized that I was wrong. I did not consider others, neither did I look inside. I had to take responsibility for this unhappy incident.
Right away, I picked up the phone and dialed the phone number of my daughter's. The phone was ringing, but no one answered. I felt so disappointed to hang up the phone. I was thinking how bad she would have felt because of my coldness. Five minutes later, I dialed the number again, but it was the same result, and I felt so upset.
I was enlightened to the principle that when my daughter was so impatient on the other side of the line, it was Master who arranged it to see whether I could let go the attachment of human sentimentality, whether I could remain unmoved, and whether I could maintain my xinxing. It was also arranged by Master when I re-dialed the phone and no one answered. It is a chance for me to improve my xinxing and upgrade myself.
When I dialed the phone number again, now it went through. I told her in detail of the process of how my inner side changed. She was so moved that she said: "I should really thank Master. Actually, I feel so guilty..." From the other side of the phone, I could hear the shaky voice of my daughter. I could tell she was deeply moved and had tears in her eyes. The conflict was resolved.
I went past these three tests, however they have especially significant meaning on my path of cultivation. For fellow practitioners who were experiencing tribulations, they have to get rid of their human attachments, and we should support them with righteous thoughts. In our relationships with family members, we should rid ourselves of our human sentimentality, and use true compassion to purify ourselves. As practitioners, we should take others into consideration first, to understand others, to be tolerant and magnanimous. We should learn to look inside, to cultivate our inner selves, and to remain peaceful. This is the demeanor of Dafa practitioners who have compassion and walk on the path of godhood. As Dafa disciples, we will forever keep in mind Master's teaching:
"The compassion you talk about in your current [cultivation] status in fact results from qing. Compassion is not qing! Ordinary people have qing. Only when you have ascended and no longer have qing can you truly understand what compassion is."("Teaching the Fa and Answering Questions Guangzhou")
