[Clearwisdom.net] Since the peaceful appeal of Falun Gong practitioners at Zhongnanhai on April 25, 1999, extensive persecution of Falun Gong practitioners by the government has taken place in Mainland China. As a police officer, I have been involved in the persecution since the beginning. I was in charge of several events during which Falun Gong practitioners were arrested, detained, and beaten. I used to think that, as a police officer, it was my responsibility to maintain social order and stability, and to obey commands from higher officials. That is why I had never spent any quiet moments pondering as to why such a major event should be taking place in China at this special period in history. Neither did I consider what the underlying cause is, the right and wrong, the good and evil. Through earlier covert investigations, we knew Falun Gong practitioners were all kind people with high morality. However, to follow orders from above, we persecuted them mercilessly. In the past year, I have come in contact with countless number of Falun Gong practitioners. I shuddered at their aura of righteousness, their determination, and their fearlessness to endure punishment, even death. I greatly admire their self-effacing modesty, pacifism, great forbearance, and compassion. In their proximity, I was struck by their rarefied veracity and selflessness.
It is difficult to change one's stale notion. Although I had so many opportunities to step into their world to understand them, I still did many unconscionable deeds that severely hurt the practitioners both physically and emotionally. Recently, materials were distributed ubiquitously to expose the police's brutal suppression and killing of Falun Gong practitioners. It was after reading them that I began to rationally look at what we had done. I have to admit that, our conduct is immoral, unlawful, and unforgivable. By my actions, I was irresponsible as a police officer and feel guilty to face the Communist Party or people of the nation. I am a police officer, but not a police officer for the people. A police officer for the people should consider people's interests above all else and do everything possible to protect them. But, in the past year, what have I done? There is a nation's badge on my police cap, but now it is stained with the blood of countless number of mistreated of Falun Gong practitioners. They are a group of good people that should be honored, loved, and respected. For many days, I have been immersed in extreme pain. I can never forgive myself for the crimes I have committed. I regret that I didn't heed good advice, and acted out on my own without distinguishing between right and wrong. Self-interests reinforcing the brute within me, I became totally irrational.
I always thought I was very smart. Although I am barely 30 years old, I already have a decent career and a respected position with many accomplishments. But today I realize I have been foolish. I couldn't even tell right from wrong, or good from evil. Without independent and rational thinking, I couldn't make the judgement on the fundamental issue of right and wrong. As a result, I became a club for Jiang Zemin to beat people with, an unforgivable accomplice, and almost his funeral accompaniment.
During my contemplation, I began to wake up and understand more and more about this issue. I feel I should use my special position and experience to warn people especially those fellow police officers that are still persecuting Falun Gong, and tell them the truth. However, under the current grim situation, I cannot come out and do it. I can only write this article to convey the repentance of a remorseful soul. I love my country and its people dearly. Right now, I really wish everyone could wake up from the misleading fabricated lies and rumors. I wish that, after fully realizing the sinister intention of Jiang Zemin and his followers, everyone would act to curb the evil and assist the good. With our conscience, we can truly guard the solemnness of the law, and uphold justice and truth, to repay our country and its people.
Until now, I have yet to read any books of Falun Gong. However, judging from the exceptional behavior of the Falun Gong practitioners, I dare say they must be the best books that I will ever come across. I believe only truly good books can produce such good people. On that thought, I cannot help but have a profound respect for Falun Gong and its founder. I feel he is holy, pure and benevolent, just like the God described in the legend. I can sense that he is consoling my cold and insensitive soul.
I know I am too sinful to join the followers of Falun Gong. I also know that my predestined relationship with cultivation is too fragile to become a disciple of Mr. Li Hongzhi. Nonetheless, my heart is totally dissolved by the Truthfulness, Benevolence, and Forbearance principle of Falun Gong. Being immersed in it, I clearly hear the compassionate calling from far away, which is interpreting every bit of my life. At this very moment, I can no longer hold back tears from my eyes. I suddenly understand why Falun Gong practitioners have such high moral standard, why they are so selfless and always put others ahead of themselves, why without any concern for themselves, they incessantly went to Beijing to appeal; they in fact do it for us, not for themselves! If we continue to be bewildered, notwithstanding their kindheartedness on our behalf, and continue the insane persecution, do we still have any conscience, sense of justice or humanity?
Our future course is chosen by ourselves. Please stop deceiving ourselves or our conscience. Let's stop making one wrong after another. How can we help a tyrant do evil, defy world opinion, and universal condemnation?
Please trust me, oneday I will be brave enough to write up those deeds that are too shameful to be revealed to the public, and expose the brutal persecution of Falun Gong practitioners. By being a defender of truth and a guardian of justice, I will fulfil my bounden duty as a policeman, to curb the evil and assist the good.
A police officer
February 2001
