My Sharing

(Shared at the First Inland Northwest Falun Dafa Conference, October 14, 2000) Thank you to Master Li, and those who introduced me to Falun Dafa, and those who continue to be my friends, guides, and supporters on this incredible journey. Because I've never done this before, I'm not sure what the proper format is, so I will just tell you what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now. In the early 1970's I changed my way of living from that of a self- centered and self destructive hippie type to that of trying to live a life based on spiritual principles. Soon after that, I was introduced to meditation practice, Transcendental Meditation, which I found to be very beneficial. However, after 4 or 5 years of this meditation practice, I started having some very unpleasant experiences, and nobody could tell me why I was having them, nor how to stop them. I tried different meditation techniques after that, but sooner or later, the same unpleasant experiences would recur. Finally I made a decision that until I could find a real, knowledgeable teacher, and a true path that would enable me to practice to higher levels while living the life of an average person, I would not meditate. Having to leave the country, or go into a monastery, or pay thousands of dollars was out of the question for me. I decided to just concentrate on just being a better person, on living a spiritual way of life. I hoped for the best. Since I thought that the way to higher levels was through meditation, I didn't realize that what I considered the least important was actually the most important! For about 20 years I lived this way, and would sometimes investigate what seemed to be a promising practice, sometimes meditating, sometimes not, sometimes working very hard to be a better person, sometimes not so hard. I gave up hope of ever finding a way to cultivate to higher levels. Another thing happened during this 20 years. I got 20 years older, and developed some health problems, back problems, I couldn't sleep, I had no energy, I hurt everywhere. Most nights I'd try to go to sleep first in bed, then I'd move to the couch, or maybe the downstairs bed, and often end the night on the living room floor, dragging my pillow from room to room, looking for someplace I could get comfortable enough to go to sleep. I tried some alternative healing methods, herbs and magnets, which worked for about a year, but then they became less effective. Though I wasn't hurting as I had before, it was becoming more difficult to fall asleep at night, and that familiar fatigue was returning. In early November 1999, an article in a online newspaper mentioned something called Falun Gong. Out of curiosity, I investigated further. I wondered, what do these people have that they will risk imprisonment, persecution, even torture in order to keep doing it? I found the site at University of Idaho and downloaded Zhuan Falun, read a little, printed it all out and started reading. My husband was gone for a couple of days, and I read the whole book. When I was done, I thought, well, that is really interesting, it's answered some questions I've had for a long time, but it's very strange. But it is interesting. And I went on about my life. On Thanksgiving morning I woke up with a neck pain like I've never had before. We stayed home from the family dinner, and my husband took me to my chiropractor that evening. For the next month I was back and forth to the chiropractor's office. This was unusual, I'd had very good results with chiropractors in the past. Toward the end of December, I was beginning to realize that this was not a bones and muscles problem, that it was an energy problem. Acupuncture was an option, but somehow it didn't seem like the appropriate thing. Then I remembered I'd read that Falun Gong had helped a lot of people with health problems. Should I try that? Let me tell you that I was not looking for a new "thing" to do, a new spiritual practice, cultivation practice, way or path. I was not dissatisfied with my spiritual program. I knew that Falun Gong was something I'd have to commit to, not to just fiddle around with. Either I would, or I wouldn't. Finally the pain in my neck and shoulders made the decision for me. Since there was no local contact person, I went to the Internet, and downloaded the exercise videos. There, in my computer room, I pushed my chair aside and began to learn the exercises. I'd do a little bit, then get up close to the monitor to try to see what he was doing in that little bitty video picture, then I'd do that little bit, then back to the screen. I could only figure out Exercises 1, 2 and 3 from the video, so I just did those. After 3 days of doing the exercises, my neck and shoulders stopped hurting. I knew for certain then that Falun Gong is very powerful, for no exercises ever did that for me before. In about 5 days I started going to sleep right away when I went to bed, not one or two hours later. I emailed the contact in Pullman and verified the time and place for study and practice and said I would be there if it didn't snow. The next week I did go back, taking my husband and some Post It notes. He had said he would also like to do Falun Gong, but I insisted that he read the book China Falun Gong first, because I wanted him to know what he was getting into. He did read it, and was ready to start. While the instructors took him to learn the exercises, I asked the others to write their names on the Post It notes, and wear them like name tags. Unfortunately, Chinese words are not spelled out in English the way they were when I was learning Chinese names, and the name tags had all too many Xs and Qs that didn't even sound like Xs and Qs. But it helped me, and maybe it helped them to see my name spelled out too. We kept coming back every Sunday, and I learned the names and faces, and grew to deeply respect and care for those sweet and gentle Chinese people. When those young people who taught me the exercises moved away, I felt such a loss, and I cried. I realize that this is an attachment, and it is sentiment, but these dear people gave me something that changed the course of my life, something so dear and so precious. My gratitude to them is enormous. Through the months we settled down to study and practice, and my life began to change. We developed a practice routine and reading routine. Maybe next session my husband will tell his version, of this, but for now, here's mine. I began to notice that I was more calm most of the time, and that generally things bothered me less and less. Old resentments and anxieties disappeared as I realized how trivial they were. Sometimes I would see the world around me and it would be so beautiful that I would almost cry. However, ocassionally something would happen that I would react to very strongly, and anger would flare up in me suddenly and unexpectedly. I learned that these situations are called "xinxing conflicts", and that these sudden eruptions of emotions were my demon nature that Master Li was exposing for me to become aware of and exterminate. It was very discouraging, because I noticed these unpleasant situations usually developed right after I became aware of how smoothly my life was going, how well I was cultivating, and the fine results I was getting from practicing Falun Dafa. One night, while we were watching the video of Lecture 7, my 3 pack a day, 40 year smoking habit just went away, with no symptoms, never to return. In my efforts to learn to sit cross-legged at my age I discovered new muscles and ligaments and tendons that had lain dormant for decades. (Actually, they would still prefer to remain dormant!) As the months went by, I began to feel like a real practitioner, and to hold myself to an ever higher standard. Now, in my cultivation today, I read Zhuan Falun over and over, and on days when something interferes with my morning reading, I have a craving to read in it, if only just a little. I have grown to love the book and to understand how it is that it can guide my cultivation clear to the end. It is a beautiful book; I don't set things on it, and I put it away when my housekeeper comes so that she doesn't dust it with her feather duster. I like to just hold it. The Falun Dafa sites on the internet have been so helpful to me. There I read other cultivators' experiences and gain new understanding and new perspectives. There I read of the incredible evil roaming the countryside and cities in China, and brave practitioners who go to Beijing to appeal, who refuse to renounce Falun Dafa, who demonstrate to the rest of the world the unimagineable power of this Fa. Because I first found Falun Dafa on the internet, I feel very strongly that I should help to spread the Fa in this way, and put some effort into web based information sites. I feel that it is particularly essential to have many sources for true information about the situation in China so that those Chinese who can get internet access can find sources that are not blocked by the Chinese government. Minghui asked for volunteers to put up Minghui mirror sites, and because of this effort, we now have Minghui available on sites put up by practitioners in both the Seattle area and the Inland Northwest. Sometimes I have felt so ashamed that I do so little, and sometimes I have felt so discouraged with myself. At these times, during practice, Master Li has let me feel his presence and his so powerful compassion, and this sweet feeling brings tears to my eyes, to know that he has entrusted such a child as me to help him a little here on this earth. Since the first month I began practicing, I have felt the falun in my abdomen when I practice and sometimes at other times. I know absolutely and with no doubt that Falun Gong is truly a righteous Fa, and that Master Li's fashen care for us, protect us, and give us strength and hints to help us in our cultivation. We are so unimaginably blessed to be given the opportunity to cultivate, especially in this special time. We are so blessed to have one another, and to be given the opportunity to find others with predestined relationships and to offer them this Fa. We are so blessed to have our dear Teacher's direction and protection in this time that often seems so frightening, so threatening. To close, I would like to read Teacher's poem " The Knowing Heart With Teacher at the helm, the Fa saves all beings, One sail is hoisted, one hundred million sails follow. With attachments left behind, the lightened boats sail swiftly, With a preoccupied human heart, crossing the ocean proves arduous. The wind and clouds suddenly change, and the heavens seem to crumble, The mountains shake, the seas churn, and the ferocious waves billow. Follow Teacher closely, steadfastly cultivating Dafa, With attachments too strong, bearings are lost. Some flee for their lives, deserting capsized boats and torn sails, As the mud and sand are completely sifted, gold shines forth. Grand talk counts for naught when it comes to life and death, Actions reveal what is true. When the day of Consummation arrives, The great disclosure of the truth will leave the world in amazement."